Today's reflection says "preparing for death is the most important task of life". At other times I might take issue with this statement, but for now I'm thinking about the positive side, the right-ness of this statement.
Actually, my greatest fear regarding death is not the dying - as a doctor I see that fairly often, so it does not hold the terror of the unknown. What I really fear is the ending - the leaving behind of those I will never see again, those friends or family members who will not be with us in eternity. I desperately fear the idea of spending only forty or fifty years in my marriage, and then never seeing my beloved husband again - this is the fear which keeps me awake at night. I worry that my time here on earth will not be fruitful - I sometimes think I could bear all the rest of my life's worth of trials, if I just knew that Dean would be able to enter heaven.
At the same time I know this is ridiculous hubris - "my work", "my mission" is silly - it is not about me. God's work and God's mission will be completed in God's timing, and whether I am part of it or not. I need to learn to trust and let go and let God. Ouch! I know it and I do it and then I forget it again!
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