Entering the silence...

Well, that is what this whole Lent journal thing is for me - to try to reflect and to listen to God.

I remember on my first "Theos" camp, when we were told we would have to spend an hour a day in quiet time, wondering how on earth I was going to fill so much time. By the end, I could easily have spent more - when did I lose that? Now it seems hard to fill a half hour, even if I can find that much time.

I have wondered before, if the prophets of God are just the people who are better at listening to Him. It may well be a skill, as well as a gift. Certainly, the times I hear most from God are the times when I am listening for Him! Perhaps, if I want to hear more from God, be guided more by God and know His will, then I should start by listening...

Zaccheus and Me

On Sunday we read the story of Zaccheus the Tax-collector with Deb S. leading the time - always good value there! I found myself thinking about this story more than I have for a long time, particularly in the context of what comes before and after. I never really think about what comes before and after Gospel stories - and yet I should. The stories were placed there for a reason, as were the bits around them. Also, we looked at what comes before and after for the people involved: when Jesus and disciples leave, what happens then? How do they live out what they have promised?

Zaccheus, in particular, promised to give half his possessions to the poor, and to pay back people he had cheated. I wonder if he did? I would like to think so, but it must have been hard! Did people thank him for it, or spit on him more? Did he quit his job? Or get fired? Or was he killed as a rebel against Roman rule? Could he reform the system from within? What about the other tax collectors under him? Did the Jewish community ever accept him back as one of them? A lot of forgiveness would have been required for that!

This was a great exercise, and I shall have to read stories "in context" in future, both of the Bible and of life.

Dare to Care

Difficult challenge. I sometimes think it would be easier to be a doctor if I didn't care. Didn't care when patients or family members yell at me, accuse me of keeping secrets, of being in the pay of drug companies, of wilfully letting their children/relatives suffer, demanding what I have no power to give. It would be easier if the hurts I can't heal I could just forget about, not care about. It would be so much easier if I could just wave my magic wand and make it all better - oh, I forgot my magic wand today, I'll have to put an IV in instead. No, there's no other way. Yes, it will hurt. No, I don't do this for fun. No, I can't guarantee it will go in first time. Yes, I will do my best. Yes, I promise. No, there's no other way.

Sometimes I just sneak away from the ward for a few minutes - to the chapel, to the resident's room, somewhere I can get away from the demands, the suffering, the noise. Somewhere I can hear myself think for long enough to give it to God - to remember that I'm not in control, that it's not up to me. Then I take a deep breath and dive back into doing the best I can, doing as much as I can, making the best decisions I can - that's all I can do.

The memories are still agonizing though. Working on a baby for over an hour, knowing that it is already dead. The three year old who suddenly died in the middle of the night, and I still don't know why. The woman who went to ICU and died in the night - was that my fault? The man whose morphine I wrote up for 24 hours and it was given in a single hour - how could I have prevented that? It is only through the grace of God that I don't have a death on my conscience (so far) - how will I cope when the day comes? I don't kid myself that any doctor can go a whole career and never make a fatal mistake. That thought frightens me - how can I not care about that?

I see families, children, individuals in their moments of greatest stress and weakness and fear and pain. How can I possibly look at that every day, and still care? How can I not care?

"When we dare to care, then we dicover that nothing human is foreign to us, but that all the hatred and love, cruelty and compassion, fear and joy can be found in our own hearts."

This is from the Lent book of meditations, and it is true. The more I live, the more true I realize it is. So, I keep going, I keep caring, as I would wish to be cared for. I used to wonder what to say to parents whose child had died. Now I know - nothing. There is nothing I can say to make it better. Still, even in the midst of the agony, when I can do nothing else, say nothing to help - I can still care.

Knowing a faithful God

In many ways, faith and trust in God are very freeing. If I have trust in the character of God, I no longer have to worry about all those areas of "theological ignorance" (as CS Lewis calls them) which used to concern me so much. I used to worry if I could trust in the justice and mercy of God to deal with unborn babies and those who have never heard the Gospel. I used to worry about if Creationists would go to hell for telling lies, or Evolutionists for lack of faith in the literal Word. I used to worry about the conflict between doing what God commands, and doing what is morally and ethically right. (OK, I still worry about this last one a bit.)

These days I (try to) trust in the character of God - has He not always dealt with me faithfully and mercifully? Has he not blessed me and taught me, guided me and surrounded me with faithful and godly advisors? Has he not placed me in a church where I can question and grow and where my husband also can feel welcomed?

He always shows me grace beyond what I can deserve or even imagine. I should trust Him more with the fate of others, especially since this is not my concern! When I remind myself that it is a Person in whom I trust, not a system of rules, not a lawbook, not karma or fate, then I remember how gently, how respectfully, how lovingly He has always dealt with me. Then I can relax and rely on our relationship, and know that He will interact with those I love not as they deserve, but according to their deepest needs, which He knows better than I.

They say that the best guide to future behaviour, is past behaviour. God's record speaks for itself, so I should never worry at all! Someone who has kept His promises over thousands of years is more trustworthy than anyone else I know!

Joy vs Happiness

Joy is more than happiness.

How true! This is my essential problem with the philosophy of utilitarianism. If happiness is the ultimate good, and suffering the ultimate evil, then the good which comes through suffering and the joy which results from self-denial can never be known. If people must be preserved from suffering at all costs, does that mean even if the cost is that of spiritual growth or self-knowledge? I can only say that God is clearly not a utilitarian! Suffering and growth, suffering and joy, pain and love are too closely linked in the making of our world.

God's peace and God's joy are strange entities. They seem to exist in defiance of the circumstances, regardless of the events around and can stay or go for reasons completely unrelated to situations. Now that I have learned not to let my grief for the salvation of those dear to me overwhelm me, I can have joy even in the strangest situations - I actually found myself thanking God for opportunities to forgive! Truly, God's peace is beyond human understanding.

Power in weakness

This is the mercy which astounds my mind - that God chose to give up all that phenomenal power and become merely human. He gave up the ability to create stars and planets, and came down to walk on the surface of one. He gave up the knowledge of all times and places, and reduced himself to the limitations of human knowledge, human speech, human slowness. This is the condescending which amazes me! (Condescending in a good way - descending to be with us, not in the usual way, which is to make us realize how lowly we are.)

This is the amazing, unexpected, contradictory God that I serve. Not power but weakness, not scholars or politicians but fishermen, not the modern-day US or might of Rome but Nazareth in Israel, not speeches and trumpets and war but death on a cross.

So often I want the other things - the easy things. I want God to be powerful and to sweep away all opposition. I want Him to force me to be as He wants, not to hint and rely on my discernment and free will. I want Him to make everyone acknowledge His glory, not to speak clumsily through my stumbling mouth and faltering witness.

I suppose God is more of a respecter of persons than I am, more careful of each person's free will and right to individuality. God is patient, and waits for us to love Him, not commanding or compelling. How strange! I wonder why? I don't think I would be like that if I were God. I guess that's a good thing, then.

This reminds me a bit of CS Lewis's comments about God not being proud, and not caring if we come to him last, after everything and everyone else has failed us. God still welcomes us home and fixes up the mess we have made of our lives. He only asks that we come - not that we meet any standard or come for any particular reason. Amazing humility of God!

Jesus Who?

"Jesus who?" is a pivotal question for every believer in Christ. We should first of all ask it of ourselves, testing our own beliefs about Jesus. Misunderstandings about Him inevitably become obstructions in our relationship with Him.

This came from an article I was emailed today. I didn't agree with the whole article, but I thought this was an excellent point. Most (some?) of my struggles with God come from misunderstanding His character. Questions about His justice lead to struggles with trust. Mistaken ideas about His glory lead me to think that God was vain and self-seeking, needing praise from His creatures for His own self-worth (why not? I do!).

I wonder how many non-Christians struggle with misunderstandings about God and the church which keep them from seeking God? I wonder how many Christians suffer needlessly, afraid to ask their questions which would lead to clarity and a better understanding of God? Some of the best advice I ever recall was "Take your questions to God - He can handle it!"

The honesty of compassion

The honesty of compassion is to come close to the one who suffers. This is difficult for lots of reasons, the first would have to be that coming close to suffering people often exposes us to potential suffering as well, and the second is like is like it: what are we going to do about it? Our response to suffering may cause us to suffer, perhaps because we will feel compelled to give, or to help, or to be inconvenienced.

Suffering is also hard to understand because to really sympathize with someone suffering, we need to know ourselves what suffering feels like. I think this is why we don't want our priests, doctors and teachers to be too perfect. We want to know that they know what suffering is like from first-hand experience.

I think being unequally yoked has taught me a lot about compassion. I have a better understanding of weakness, of suffering, of tears and of pain. I know that the hurt can be even deeper for knowing that it is self-inflicted, which is the more shameful wound anyway. Embracing the knowledge of my own sin, weakness, brokenness and coming down from my moral high horse was a painful process, but well worth it! Lord, continue to teach me, even through such painful lesson as these, that I may break the back of my judgementalism and self-righteousness and claim your mercy and holiness.

Preparing for Death

Today's reflection says "preparing for death is the most important task of life". At other times I might take issue with this statement, but for now I'm thinking about the positive side, the right-ness of this statement.

Actually, my greatest fear regarding death is not the dying - as a doctor I see that fairly often, so it does not hold the terror of the unknown. What I really fear is the ending - the leaving behind of those I will never see again, those friends or family members who will not be with us in eternity. I desperately fear the idea of spending only forty or fifty years in my marriage, and then never seeing my beloved husband again - this is the fear which keeps me awake at night. I worry that my time here on earth will not be fruitful - I sometimes think I could bear all the rest of my life's worth of trials, if I just knew that Dean would be able to enter heaven.

At the same time I know this is ridiculous hubris - "my work", "my mission" is silly - it is not about me. God's work and God's mission will be completed in God's timing, and whether I am part of it or not. I need to learn to trust and let go and let God. Ouch! I know it and I do it and then I forget it again!

The Power of Positivity

On Sunday we looked at the passage where Jesus invites people to follow him - realistically, with no pretenses that it will be a bed of roses, telling them plainly that there will be a cost and that they will be rejected sometimes.

Our group was given the "yellow hat" task of analyzing this passage looking for positive aspects, alert to problems solved by this teaching, looking for benefits and truths good for application in our world. I was amazed how much was in there, when we stopped to look! In our world, we are so often encouraged to "analyze" to "pull apart" or to "critique" what we read. We are so rarely encouraged to look for the good in it!

In the end, we came up with a whole page of useful, positive, encouraging things to learn from this passage, which at first glance appeared difficult and forbidding. It is certainly true that the "black hat" people looking for negative aspects of the passage also filled a page, which just shows that you find what you look for! I think in future I want to stop "critiquing" and search God's Word looking for the positive teaching points!

Six ways to Forgiveness

I read an article today about forgiveness - six reasons to forgive, and not one of them is about "feeling like it" or "wanting to". Truly, God understands the human heart, and our capacity for resentment - we don't want to forgive, and need many reminders and outright commands to do so.

Action changes thought. As we act: forgiving, loving, lazy, helpful, selfish, thankful, etc so we will become. Habits are.. habit forming. I suppose I know what I want to be, but I have to start by actually doing it. Knowledge leads to action leads to habit. Feelings come last, trailing along in the wake of habits. If I wait until I "feel like" forgiving - I'll never do it. Yet when I force myself to forgive, resentfully, unwillingly, and when I get past the anger and let go of resentment - amazing! I find the peace, health and joy that God wanted to bless me with all along!

Funny, how when we live according to God's will, life really does go better - and yet I have to try it my own way over and over, before acknowledging who knows best. Sigh. I never thought I was such a stupid person.

We are sent...

If we truly believe we are the beloved and chosen children of God, truly believe that our lives are to be lived for the love of Him and others, truly believe we are sent with a message - this should be a life-changing realization! Our lives are to be a lived-out message to the world of God's love and desire for reconciliation. What a mission! What a purpose! To be a prophet of God - every one of us - speaking His message to everyone we meet, bringing people to understand their Maker, partaking of God's own work and participating in bringing His will to pass on the earth. What an amazing calling! (How could I forget this? Lose sight of this? And yet I do...)

Searching for God

It is strange that a little of God makes me want more. When I am really and truly in touch with Him, I never want it to end - why are those times so rare? A little bit of goodness, holiness, patience or virtue both makes me want more and makes me realize how little I have. Maybe goodness is addictive? Maybe God has to "introduce" us to goodness before we can appreciate it? Rather like an "acquired taste".

Interesting to note that the opposite also applies. The more I wallow in cynicism, despair and laziness, the more I want to continue in it. If I ignore a conviction for long enough, it goes away! My heart is so fickle - it is vitally important what I feed it on!

Having experienced the joys of forgiveness (briefly, yesterday) I actually asked God to give me more opportunities to practice forgiveness - then I realized what I was asking for! Opportunities to forgive only come with insults or injury - do I really want more of that? I suppose I do, if that is the price for spiritual growth. Strange - I never thought I'd say that.

Loving God: our first duty

Loving God is our first duty - why do I feel so blah about that? I can remember a time, not so long ago, when I couldn't shut up about God, and offended people by talking about Him all the time - when did I lose that fire? After all, God has made the world with plenty of opportunities to love Him! There is so much in this world to praise Him for - hands, flowers, mountains, waterfalls, stars, butterflies, the miracle of the immune system, dance, chocolate, etc.

I think I have let church politics and church disappointments flavour my faith journey. I need to get back to the cross, not just as a symbol of the faith, or the church, or religion, but of Jesus' love for me and willingness to sacrifice himself for my sake. When did I get so used to that idea that I forgot how special it made me feel when I first heard about it?

Love of God and others

Compassion again - how quickly I get exhausted in my ability to love and help and serve others! I thought I was a pretty nice person, but after a whole week of trying to tame my tongue and rein in my temper (only two resolutions) I am exhausted, frustrated and can't decided if I'd prefer a good whinge or a good cry. I just know I need something to relieve my feelings. (Why didn't I think of prayer and calling on God? Hmm.)

Compassion - how quickly I become numbed and desensitized to the pain of others. I think it comes from watching the news, and hearing endlessly about disasters beyond my ability to help, so that I become paralysed and helpless even in the face of suffering that I can help. Or am I just too selfish to look beyond my own backyard? I don't want to think too much about that - I need to talk to Deb again - she gives me a sense of perspective about the world which I can't seem to find on my own yet.

Temptation

I think my overwhelming temptation is to anger - I can be a very angry person, but I usually express it in more socially acceptable ways, such as frustration. Somehow it is better to be frustrated or slightly offended (implies a moral superiority) than it is to be simply angry. By anger I would include both the quick kind which says nasty things on the spur of the moment, and the slow kind of anger which smoulders into bitterness and resentment. Not pretty.

Unfortunately, recognizing temptation is not much of a solution. Just knowing that I get angry easily doesn't really help me overcome it, since it just makes me more annoyed to know that on top of everything else I am now sinning as well!

I think the only way to combat temptation to sin, is to fill myself up with other things: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praisworthy - think about these things, and then put them into practice!

Giving what has been Given

God has given us already that which matters most: our centre, our being. We are not valued for what we do - such a prevalent thought in our "productive society" where the first question we ask each new acquaintance "So, what do you do?". We are not what we have, though others may judge us that way.

God has given us what we need, placed us where we are, and we have His purpose and strength to sustain us to do His work. My labour is a small response to His work on my behalf, my virtues (such as they are) a small reflection of His goodness, my evils a small and fading stain on His workmanship.

“And all the wickedness in this world that man might work or think, is no more to the mercy of God than a live coal in the sea.” William Langland,1330-1400

Only when he frees us are we free, and only then can we truly love others and help others. We are freed for our good and the good of others, not because we deserve it but because we need it.

Respecting the miracles of others

In "The Horse and His Boy" Aslan is the one behind all the stories, but it takes a long time for the people to realize it. Sometimes I wonder if I am more like the Giant than like Jill (Silver Chair) seeing coincidence instead of the Hand of God - as if the two were mutually exclusive! - and scoffing at other people's ideas of God's sovereignity.

Barb and I were talking recently about respecting other people's miracles, even when they don't necessarily seem like unequivocal miracles to us. I was reminded yet again how God is different to each person. This really shouldn't surprise me, since everyone is made differently it requires God to be different to each of us in order to meet us where we are. Our society has always taught me that "justice means equality", and yet I see that this is not always right. We also talk about a "case by case basis" which means dispensing justice differently depending on the situation. If we see the need for this, how much more must God!

I think the truth of it must be that God has a respect for individuals - greater than we do, generally, with our propensities to stereotype and fit people into "the system". God works in mysterious and varied ways, His wonders to perform. Today's reading is from Isaiah (58:8) and talks about how God is not a legalist - He wants us to do His will, more than to perform according to the Law. True fasting, in this context, is not about eating and drinking at all (whew! let off the hook there!) but about bringing justice and mercy and peace. So, this Lent I am not fasting from food (I have enough issues there already) but from sleep - the time I would otherwise be sleeping I am spending in the Word, meditation and prayer - and writing it all in here!

Suffering, then growth

Suffering and trials are at least as much a part of the Christian life as joy and blessings. Paul says to welcome trials, as they are necessary for spiritual growth. It is a sad reflection on us today that we would often choose comfort and ease over suffering and spiritual instruction! Jesus warns that the way of following Him is the way of taking up our cross, denying the self and serving others. It is strange today that the "prosperity gospel" of the Prayer of Jabez is so popular!

CS Lewis reflects in the "Screwtape Letters" that the events of this world are primarily raw material given to us to shape our spiritual development. If there were no disasters, no illness, no poverty we would have far fewer opportunities to develop communities, compassion and generosity. The Asian Tsunami created much suffering, but also much evidence of compassion and opportunities for people to give.

Being unequally yoked has been both a trial and a blessing. I have had many opportunities to learn lessons and to grow in prayer, humility, generosity and dependence on God. Because of my own brokenness and mistakes I have learned much of sympathy and compassion, in my weakness and need I have learned about God's strength. In my lack of power I have learned about trust in God's power. I only hope I can continue to grow, and perhaps become half as great a prayer warrior as Don H. and some of the ladies in WWAW!

Ash Wednesday and forgiveness

Today's reading for Ash Wednesday was Psalm 51: I acknowledge my transgressions and my sin is ever before me. I think a big part of understanding grace is understanding both the power of sin and the power of God. Sin is important, powerful and addictive. These things are true, but the power of God to forgive is even greater:

All the evil that man can work or think is to the mercy of God as one live coal in the sea.

I want to respond to sin as Peter did - to turn back to God with tears of repentance, and to continue in faith to encourage others and to build up the church. I am afraid that I sometimes respond more as Judas did: in pride and despair that my sins are too awful, to great for even God to forgive. I don't want to be that impressed with the power of sin! God can redeem even we who reject and betray him to his face, when we turn back and ask for forgiveness. If God forgives, we are forgiven. If God cleanses, we are clean. End of story. No need for ongoing guilt, self-punishment, penance, etc. No need for listening to our Accuser or doubting our salvation. He has washed us and we are whiter than snow - amazing grace!

Revelation, yet questions...

John 16:17 Some of his disciples said to one another, "What is this that he says to us, 'A little while, and you will not see me, and again a little while, and you will see me'; and, 'because I go to the Father'?"

We were reading this chapter on Sunday, and James wrote a haiku on this (which I can't remember completely) but the idea which really struck me, was about doubt and clarity. Of course I doubt, of course I have questions - even the disciples had lots of questions and they had Jesus walking and talking right in front of them! If they didn't understand with Jesus (God Himself) right there - well, in that case it's probably OK if I don't feel that I have a complete understanding of how God is working either!

This was a relief from the pressure I sometimes put on myself to have it all sorted out, to struggle and come to grips with everything, to feel I have a least a study plan for every question! This is hubris, and I need to get rid of it! I need to embrace the mystery and majesty of God, and rest in the sovereignty of God's will. I love the short email someone sent me:

It's amazing what God can do if we give him the reigns!

When God reigns, He pours! I just need to let Him do it and to restrain myself from trying to fit his heavens into my head - that will only limit my perception of Him, and give me a headache. As we enter into Lent and the waiting time before Easter, I want to let go of my need to understand, and embrace waiting on God and letting Him be the mover and teacher. Here's a version of that Haiku (with apologies to James Carbines):

Jesus revealed

Talking with God, face to face

Yet questions abound

That's OK. The disciples just kept asking questions, and Jesus kept answering them, usually not in the ways they expected. I hope to follow in their footsteps; to keep going, keep asking and keep listening for the answers I don't expect!

God as Mystery

Brian McLaren (again!) : Poetry is sane because it floats easily on an infinite sea. Reason seeks to cross the infinite sea, and so make it finite: the result is mental exhaustion… The poet only asks to get his head into the heavens. It is the logician who seeks to get the heavens into his head. And it is his head that splits.

Reading about the Orthodox Church (Greek Orthodox in particular) I am struck by how easily they acknowledge the unattainable mystery of God. This creates no particular problems, faith struggles or paradox for them, rather, it emphasizes the trust we must all have in God (though I sometimes think I hate to admit it). A part of me struggles against this attitude, calling it "anti-intellectual" or "lazy" or "complacent". The rest of me knows that God really is all these things, and it is a sin of hubris to claim otherwise! How dare I, a mere created creature, claim to be able to understand the mind of God - the claim is ludicrous! And yet, is that not exactly what I complain about in connection with my lack of understanding about the "why" of the tsunami, of hell, of unanswered prayer, of failings and fallenness within the church?

I love it that the Bible is not purely reasonable - it engages with our emotions, it wails and cries out, as well as teaches. It has the language of love, of poetry, of doubt, of war and of mystery. We cannot understand it all, yet with the help of the Holy Spirit we can understand more than we think, if we listen with the heart and soul, as well as the mind.

Church as community

Brian McLaren: it's not just about learning the practices: it's about entering the community.

Last Sunday we had a great church service, and an even better barbeque afterwards. It ended with three of us sitting on a picinc rug talking about the importance of community. We ourselves were one demonstration of community, but we talked about many other things as well! I brought a question I had, and we-the-church discussed it. In the process my thoughts were clarified I understood several things in a new way:

• the church is a community, not a building. I just have to keep reminding myself about this! I have a tendency to refer to "going to church" instead of "gathering as church".
• the church-as-community has a much wider mandate of care than just the teaching and worship which tend to characterize the church-as-Sunday-service. Caring for each other, supporting new mothers, reaching out to the community around us become much more natural activities for the church-as-community, and borders of serving those "outside" or "inside" much less important.
• church-as-community happens all over the place: home Bible studies, coffee shop discussions, lunch after church and picnic rugs are all included!
• church-as-community much more naturally tolerates differences of opinion within it than does the church-as-institution. We expect that others in the community will feel differently about some things and this doesn't seem to threaten us.
• church-as-community seems to be more comfortable with fuzzy edges - members can drift in or out, come sometimes/often/rarely without damaging anyone. Membership can be self-defined and can involve as much or as little commitment as a particular person feels comfortable with, and can take a variety of shapes which are not dependent on the length of membership. (Of course, the old proverb about getting out as much as you put in still applies.)
• we are in continuity with the church communities which have gone before us, and we can learn from their gains and from their mistakes.

We also talked about the many benefits (indeed the necessity) of being a part of the church community. In no particular order: we stimulate each other, challenge each other, hold one another accountable, teach one another, help one another, encourage one another, serve one another, serve as examples (both good and otherwise), inspire one another, speak the word of God to one another, rebuke one another, learn together, share our strengths and gifts, reinforce areas of weakness, stand in the gaps together and tell one another our story of what God has done.

We are continuing together to write our own story of what God is doing in us, and as we do so we encourage those who are faltering, inspire each other to grow, correct misunderstandings, learn to love and forgive, deal with conflict, reach out to those in need and together accomplish more than any one of us could do alone. Sounds like advancing the Kingdom of God to me!

Embrace the weirdness!

Jose Torres (via Brain McLaren): "If something is weird in the Bible, don't try to make it normal. Face its weirdness. Wrestle with it. Don't try to smooth the lumps and wrinkles in the bed; pull up the covers and see what's under there. Some of the greatest treasures come from the weirdest places."

This is a similar idea to what CS Lewis says about struggling with the tough bits of the Bible (can't find the quote right now) - in learning to think about things which seem strange to us is the greatest potential for God to really speak into our lives. If we only read that which is comfortable, sensible and familiar, are we really opening ourselves to change? Being transformed by the renewing of the mind takes work, and requires being open to the Spirit to start with (which is impossible if we already think we have all the answers).

Brian McLaren: Also, I think it's great to read weird commentaries - weird relative to your own upbringing or bias or training... In postmodern jargon, this involves listening to "the voice of the other" - seeing from someone else's perspective.

This is what happens to me when I am in church with a visitor (especially a non-Christian one). I listen to the sermon, the discussion, the prayers, etc with the mind of an outsider. It is a weird experience, but it informs how I speak, think and pray. It also allows me to question my assumptions, which I think is always a good thing. If it sounds weird to me with my "outsider" hat on, maybe there is something here worth thinking about more? Maybe the current Christian interpretation needs some adjusting? Always good to critique the bias, and try to hear the Spirit underneath.

I find this technique especially helpful when approaching a part of the Bible which I have a lot of baggage about: Genesis 1 & 2 being a prime example. For a long time, I only ever looked at this section of the Bible in the context of debate about Creation Vs. Evolution. I then found it hard to read Genesis through any other lens without hearing the voices of the debate in the background. This mould was broken when Olivia challenged us to read this as if it were the only part of the Bible we had: to focus on what the passage actually says about God. This was a revelation to me. Suddenly the voices were silenced, and I could see the glory and majesty of the Creator God. By stripping away my preconceptions of what the passage what about, I could read it afresh and be enlightened (just about blinded actually) by the light of the Spirit.