After three years of trying, we have finally admitted that we are not going to be able to get pregnant on our own and gone to the fertility doctor. I didn't realize how sad I would feel about this - I've always been healthy and at least averagely fit. I never thought this would happen to me.
I remembered all over again how hard it is to be a patient - to have something wrong with you that you can't control and that other people are going to take control of and do "to" your body. I suppose this is a good experience for a doctor.
I am going for blood tests next week, then the plan is for 3 months of clomiphene (Clomid) which is the hormone to regulate all the other hormones - the mother of all hormones? If that doesn't work, then exploratory surgery to "go looking" for endometriosis, have a close look at the septum, flush out the fallopian tubes and generally see what is what. If that doesn't work, in six months we will be talking about trying IVF - still don't know if we want to go there.
It is particularly hard because in paediatric medicine, I'm sure not a week goes by that someone doesn't ask me "So, any kids of your own yet?" and when I say no they respond with "Well, you're not getting any younger." I KNOW, I KNOW! I found my first grey hair on the Greece trip, which just adds to the biological impact of all those accumulating birthdays.
Actually, the fertility doctor said "Oh, you're not at the stage yet where your age impacts too much. At 32, your IVF chances are still around 50%" - so at least ONE person doesn't think I'm too old!
The first task for us, even before my blood tests, is for Dean to give a sperm sample for analysis - I wonder if he will want me to help him with that?
