Today I got a message to return to my roots

Today I was visiting the York St Church of Christ in Ballarat - great place! - and I felt God present and speaking to me in a way which I haven't felt for a long time. I suddenly realized that this is what I have been missing. I have been praying and going to church intermittently, sometimes in Melbourne and sometimes here, and I have nothing regular or stable in my spiritual life. I have been praying for guidance and not hearing anything specific, probably because I have no room in my lift to listen.

It occurs to me that I have lost my old enthusiasm for the spiritual disciplines of Bible study, regular fasting and prayer, but not replaced them with anything else. The search for new and interesting forms of spirituality is all very well, but I feel that to have God as a constant presence in my life, I need to put aside regular time and attention to listen for Him.

I don't think it is fair or reasonable to come to God only in times of crisis and ignore Him otherwise. (Even if He would allow it, and He might, it would not be optimal for my own spiritual growth.) I want to listen for/to God every day, and I feel sure that He will have something to say!

So here's the plan: I will buy a new study Bible and read it every day and make notes in the margins or on looseleaf in the pages (can't think without a pen in my hand). The experiment begins next week, after I get to a bookshop...

How best to hear the Spirit?

Last Sunday at Solace we had an exercise in listening for the Holy Spirit. There were lots of other groups doing other things, but that's what I was doing. I found it difficult to concentrate with all the ambient noise and put my hands over my ears in order to focus on my thoughts and not get distracted. It was then that the thought occurred to me - is putting my hands over my ears in church the best way to hear God?

I started wondering how else I block out the sounds around me which could be the voice of God? I then wondered how would be the best way to listen for the Spirit?

- I think the first thing has to be to ask Him to come, and to listen for what He says when He does speak. Hands over ears are out!
- Try to listen with an open mind - no-one hears the answers they don't want to hear, as I know well.
- Perhaps knowing what He has done and how would be helpful? This would mean listening to testimonies, reading biographies, reading the Bible to find out what He has done in the past and for other people.
- At the same time, being open for Him to speak and act in different or unexpected ways. For all that the Holy Spirit lives inside every believer, I still find Him the most un-knowable of the Trinity.
- Since He is within and around us all the time, try to see Him in the world and in daily life. I think "retreating" to find God should not always be necessary if we can manage to be intentional in ordinary times and places.

Further points as they come to hand!

Last night I saved a life

It is the moments like this which remind me why I chose to do medicine, and paediatrics in particular. Some days it seems like all I do is hand out Ritalin and reassurance, but every now and then I really feel like I made a difference to someone's life.

I got the call at a quarter to four in the morning (never my best time) but it was obviously a delivery I needed to be there for, especially since the person calling was my previous resident and knew what he was about. It is always a judgement call as to how much the person on the other end of the phone knows about the condition and what confidence it is possible to place in their opinion, but in this case I knew it would be the real deal.

I always like going to deliveries; all the pain and blood are washed away in joy the moment the baby cries. I suppose the parents must get tired of the sound after a while, but that first cry is always miraculous.

Unfortunately this baby had no cry at birth, being pale and floppy and without a heart rate. We went all out working on him, with tubes down his throat and artificial breathing - in these cases I don't stop to think, I just know what has to be done - and six minutes later he was pink and crying.

Strangely enough, I didn't really think about what we do until the resident pointed out - Wow! He was born with no breathing or heart beat and I thought he was dead and you saved him!

It was only then that I thought - Hey yeah, so I did!

Lord, Change Me

This is a book by Evelyn Christenson which is speaking to me at the moment. It follows my earlier thoughts about living with the sound off, and also talks about living and doing what we believe, rather than thinking, writing or talking about it.

If (as James tells us) faith which is not lived out in actions dies, what does this mean for our highly cerebral and literate society? For our intellectual faith? For our belief-based church? For my faith, which mainly takes place in my thoughts and writing? Where does all this thought-life find a way to express itself in action? How does God actually do things through me in the world? Speaking and witnessing is all very well, but am I God's hands in the world, as well as words?

6 Reasons why being married is like riding a tandem bicycle

Dean and I ride with him in front (Captain) and me on the back (Stoker) but I realize that others may make different arrangements. This works for us.

1. Only one person can be the Captain at the time. The Stoker is equally important but the roles are not the same. Either person can fill either role by mutual agreement, but if the Stoker thinks the Captain is making a mistake she can't just spontaneously take over!

2. The Captain makes the final decision. The Captain has control of the steering and can see the road and the traffic and is therefore responsible for the direction of the couple. The Stoker can give advice, persuasion and back massages, but the final responsibility rests with the Captain.

3. The Stoker makes no mistakes. The Captain would do well to remember this, since it depends critically on Rule 2. The Stoker can't see the road or the traffic as well as the Captain and takes no responsibility for the final decision.

4. The Stoker has to trust the Captain and do what he says (see rule 2). If he says STOP! then the Stoker should do so. (Explanations may be necessary afterwards.) Trying to peer over his shoulder will only unbalance you both.

5. The Stoker should never say "I told you so". The Captain is doing his best, and if a decision turns out not perhaps as well as it might have done, be assured that he is aware of that without any need for a reminder.

6. The Stoker's contribution is unseen and perhaps seems unappreciated, but if she stops pedalling, both will slow down. You are in this together!

Listening to the Holy Spirit

Listening to the Holy Spirit takes several different skills. I think the first is being open to what He is trying to say. (I wonder if this is also the hardest part?) Then there is being intentional and setting aside time and mental space to listen. I think we are also expected to do some of our own 'legwork' and to be familiar with the instructions from God already given to us in the Bible and not keep asking for confirmation of what we already know we should do - I would call this a form of rebellion rather like a child whining "Do I really have to?".

Despite asking for guidance for the last few weeks, I still do not have a clear picture of where I am going. Is this because I am not listening right? Or is the Holy Spirit telling me to wait? Or is He speaking and I'm not hearing? Or am I blocking out what I am hearing?

Learning to listen - it is harder than it sounds!

Living with the sound off

I wonder what someone would think of my life if it could be reviewed with the sound off? What my actions alone would say about what I value and what I believe? If the words and sentiments and good intentions were removed, and what I actually do was the only standard by which I was judged, how would I do?

I suspect that someone looking at my life from the outside would have to say that I value work above everything else - I certainly spend the most time there.

It is an interesting thought - maybe I should live as if I were living with the sound off?

Real Live Preacher on modern culture

Oh Yes! The Real Live Preacher does it again! This is a blog and collection of essays I have been reading for a while now, but this TV show review just hit the spot! It is about a show in the US which has just aired, about a minister and his gay son, drug using daughter, mafia connections and gay bishop. Wow!

RLP cans the show pretty thoroughly, but not for the reasons you might expect. In the process he makes some very insightful comments about modern Christianity and modern culture which bear repeating (edited for lenth):

Good God, I'm a Baptist preacher and even I was shouting, "OK, he's gay. Leave him alone, you heartless bastards!"

And then, of course, there's Jesus, who drops in now and again to see how the reverend is handling things, and all he does is hand out Life Savers and say things like, "Life is hard, but that's why there's a nice reward at the end." That's no Jesus I ever heard of. Jesus was nice and all, but he was a straight-up ass kicker. Believe it.

Yo, brothers and sisters in Christ. They weren't making fun of you. It's much worse than that. The folks at NBC don't care about you enough to make fun of you. They want to make money, that's all. They're not hypocrites; they're capitalists.

Stop taking things so personally. You're giving the rest of us Christians a bad name. Learn to laugh at yourself, or do what I did. Just turn off your TV, look at the person next to you, and say, "Well, that sucked!"

But I think all the uproar from Christians is symptomatic of a more disturbing trend. More and more Christians seem to think that affirmation from our culture is where they will find their power. Since when do religions need affirmation from television stations? What we should be doing is practicing our devotion and letting our changed lives speak for themselves. And I've got news for you, Christian. If your faith isn't changing your life enough to make a difference in the world, you've got bigger problems than NBC.

Oh, there is something a little ironic that I want to mention. The first six chapters of the actual book of Daniel -- the one in the Bible -- are about a young man named Daniel and some of his friends who are trying to live out their faith in a very hostile foreign land. Trust me, the Babylonians were much worse than NBC. Daniel's solution was to doggedly worship God in their own way, and let their lives be a quiet and steady witness of their faith.

Their devotion produced a living and real goodness that even won the heart of the King in the end. And all of this happened because they were not foolish enough to try to change Babylon, but rather changed themselves.

This is great stuff - I wish I had written it! I so often think that being a Christian should be about changing myself and through that, changing the world by meeting people where they are. Not about criticizing the world for where it is.

Which of course leads me to wonder: could someone tell that I am Christian by looking at my life with the sound off?

No more Solace posts.

I have become aware that some Solace people have been reading here, so I am removing the Solace membership thread. They were mainly my thoughts written for me and it may not be appropriate for them to be so publicly available. I am happy to continue to discuss these issues in private emails, but I plan to spend most of my time concentrating on praying for our direction as a church rather than thinking and writing about it.

Spiritual Warfare

Interesting sermon yesterday on Spiritual Warfare. The pastor I have had mixed feelings about, but this one was right on target. He himself has a son with schizophrenia, so he was up-front about the difference between demon possession and mental illness - two things I think a lot of people confuse.

He also managed to avoid the trap of falling into sensationalism and graphic horror stories about demon possession - I think this is hardly helpful and much too likely to impress people with the power of demons. He emphasized that most Christian teaching should focus on Jesus - in Him we have our victory - and not on demon possession and its manifestations. We should look to the light to dispell the darkness, not study the darkness!

Having issued all these badly needed caveats, he then went on to say that Christians should be aware of the spiritual warfare going on around us, and should be clad in the whole armour of God. It never really struck me before that the armour of God has so many pieces and that we need them all: the helmet of salvation, breastplate of rightousness, shod in the gospel of peace, belted in truth and with the shield of faith to quench the fiery darts of the enemy.

Amen!

Reflecting on needlesticks

Needlestick injuries are a professional hazard for any doctor. Some are more at risk than others, but it can happen to anyone. A needlestick from a person with HIV or Hep C could change our lives forever. Would we want to have children? If so, how would go about it? Could we still work?

Before choosing to do medicine I never thought about this issue. The abstract thought that doctors work with sick people and could catch something is quite different from the reality of a life-threatening illness. I guess when I was high school I was vaguely thinking about getting a lot of colds and the occasional bout of gastro.

As a medical student, in particular after my own needlestick experience, this issue became more of a reality. The impact it has on your life to wait for blood tests (and I was lucky and got mine from a low-risk patient) and potential implications for the rest of my life became more obvious. I resolved to be more careful.

The advent of SARS brought the issue out in a new way. SARS was frightening because being careful didn't seem to be enough. Health care workers were being struck down despite precautions, and for the first time I wondered: should I say no? Should I refuse to risk myself to see these patients? Fortunately, the decision was never seriously asked of me. The SARS patients I was asked to see I judged to be low-risk, and in fact they didn't have it.

Yesterday I realized that no matter how careful, how the risks are reduced, living with potentially infectious illnesses is a lifestyle choice for a doctor. Did we all realize this when we chose medicine? Not at all. Does that absolve us of the responsibility of taking this risk? Not at all. Choosing to be a doctor means taking a small calculated risk. We know how to reduce risk, and how to protect ourselves. We know what the risks are and shouldn't let media "scare tactics" influence our practice.

Doctors (all health care workers really) are privileged to work in a field which gives us the chance to see people's lives changed, and to be a part of that. We get enormous satisfaction from being able to help people (along with all the other stuff that goes with the job). We are supported, trained and educated by infrastructure provided by society and (generally) are held in respect as one of the "learned professions". Sometimes people even say thank you.

I love being a doctor, and if that means living with a small risk of catching a fatal illness, even after my best efforts to protect myself, I have always been ready to take that risk. I guess I never previously thought about how it could impact my family; Dean and our marriage, my (potential) children. How would I feel if Dean was the one to contract a fatal illness? He is actually at higher professional risk than I am.

It doesn't change the basic equation - this is what it is to be a doctor. I know that, and I still choose my profession. The rewards are worth the risk.

Interesting link - Reasonable Faith

Interesting link: http://www.reasonablefaith.com.au I haven't read much of it yet, but I expect to. This may well appear along with my links in the sidebar, sometime soon!

CS Lewis: What Christmas Means To Me

I have just been sent this link to CS Lewis' Christmas essay www.geocities.com/regkeith/linkholidaysCSLewis.htm (sorry about the music). This essay captures very well a lot of the annoying aspects of the "commercial" Christmas. CS Lewis observes, very truly, that there are in fact three different celebrations on Dec 25th:

One is a religious festival. The second is a popular holiday, and the third is of course the commercial racket.

I think the problem I have is extracting and celebrating the first meaning from the "noise" of the other two.

Fortunately in our family the third (commercial) Christmas is becoming less and less prominent every year. This year I think everyone gave and received Oxfam or TEAR charity cards! This is a great step forward from a few years ago when Dean and I were thought to be weirdos for doing this.

I was a little sad to see the Myer windows this year. They were a celebration of "Ex-Mas", which I assume used to be Christmas but is no longer.