London

We are on holidays in London, so I get to vomit in a new environment. The plane trip was awful - I think the jet lag makes the nausea much worse, but it could just be the motion and the tiredness. Unfortunately I had one of my worst episodes right in front of Tereza on the first day we met her for an outing. Luckily she was sympathetic, having been through it twice herself already.

So we are taking it easy, and not doing as much rushing around sightseeing as I had thought. We have walked around London, caught the underground, seen the "Eye" and the Tate Modern Art Gallery, and caught a couple of shows on the West End.

Most evenings we spend with Andrei and Tereza and their boys Antony and Luke. It is lovely to see normal, healthy children for a change!

Pregnancy Week 8

I'm still feeling sick most of the time, but so far (knock wood) haven't had any really embarrassing episodes. Even the three at work occurred when no-one was watching. But I have discovered a legitimate use for "second breakfast"!

Actually, it is the feeling tired which is more troublesome even than the nausea. I seem to be sleeping 10 or 12 hours a day, and still want naps in the afternoon. Usually I would just push through and keep doing whatever I have to be doing, but now I feel so tired and overwhelmed that I just stop and go lie down on the couch. Very strange.

Even when I do get to sleep, I am having lots of very vivid dreams. The content is not particularly disturbing, most are about getting up and going to work, but it means that my sleep is much less restful than it would otherwise be.

The cravings have started too. I used to think this would be kind of fun - an excuse to eat a whole tub of ice-cream or something. Sadly, it is not like that at all. It feels more like have a full meal and feeling a bit sick besides, and then having someone standing at your shoulder saying "Now you have to have an apple as well!"

I can't believe this is only the beginning of seven more months of not having my body to myself. I'm already thinking I would have to be crazy to do all this again, and I haven't even been through labour yet! Maybe there is an advantage to having twins after all...

Changing perspectives...

When I used to look at parents with their kids, it was always very clear to me that the kids were their own little people - they have their own opinions, ideas, wants, likes and dislikes. I always found it rather strange that parents had such fixed ideas of what they wanted their children to be like. It seemed to me odd to be looking for them to like the same football teams, music, sports, books, etc.

Now I have a child of my own on the way, I find myself thinking "I hope she will like bike riding, then we can all ride as a family" or "I hope she likes being read to, and likes the Narnia books" and "I hope he doesn't expect me to watch him play football every Saturday". Of course I would, but I can't imagine enjoying it. Now it seems to me quite natural for a parent to want a child to like and enjoy the same things the parents like and enjoy. Strange how our point of view is always a view from a particular point!

OK - I'm happy now...

I'm happy now - this morning I could hardly get out of bed because of overwhelming waves of nausea. Now I have experienced morning sickness (which was more like all-bloody-day-sickness) I am satisfied that I really am pregnant.

I'm happy - the sickness can stop any time now.

Really, I'm convinced, and now, well, I feel sick....

I'm officially an FRACP!

Today I had the college ceremony which officially makes me a Fellow of the Royal Australasian College of Physicians. It was all very ceremonious, with gowns and hoods and an official photographer and speeches and little snacks afterwards. It is rather nice to have a testamur at last - now I just need an office to hang it in! It is a bit strange though, since the reality of consultant work started a good three months ago. The official seal of approval was a bit of an anticlimax, really.

One funny thing though - these portraits will be our first official "family" photos! You can't see the baby, but s/he's there all the same...

Matter over mind...

It has finally happened - the triumph of biology over intellect. I have an essay on Deuteronomy due in about three weeks, and I have written 100 of 3,000 words. But I had to go have a nap! I am just so tired all the time, and not sleeping well. I can't imagine what it will be like after the baby is actually born, and sleep deprivation sets in for real!

We have a mezuzah!

I've been thinking for a while now of getting a mezuzah. I'm not sure why - maybe it is all the Old Testament studies getting to my brain, or maybe it is my new freedom to be eclectic in action. I don't think it is anything to do with being pregnant.

Anyway, I went down the street with all the mezuzahs, and I've never seen so much "Judaica" in once place. I guess I've never had a reason to look before, and previously I didn't even know it is called "Judaica".

So I went through four or five shops in a row, before deciding that I have probably seen all the possible variations on a theme. There were:
- tiny mezuzahs for the car
- wooden mezuzahs
- silver mezuzahs
- mezuzahs with scenes painted on them from "Fiddler on the Roof"
- plasticene mezuzahs for children's bedrooms
- clear plastic mezuzahs so you can see the scroll inside
- giant mezuzahs for synagogues (I assume)

Anyway, I found a small house-sized one with the Ten Commandments on it! This seems to me appropriate, as the Decalogue is something I really can claim as part of my tradition. It would seem a little strange to have Hebrew written on my door when I don't even read it. It seems to be common enough not to read Hebrew - no-one in the shops even looked surprised when I asked for translations of what is written on the outside of the cases.

In one place I was labelled as a "non-serious" mezuzah buyer - the man in the shop said you get the case for free when you buy the scroll. I asked if he had any more decorative cases (he only had the clear plastic ones) and he kind of sniffed and acted like I was more concerned with appearances than with the scroll inside - which is true, in a way.

So in our family mezuzah (the word just means "door post") has inside it a scroll which I typed with four Bible verses on it. The two traditional ones from Deuteronomy:

Deut 6:4-9 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Deuteronomy 11:18-21 Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land that the LORD swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.

I also wanted two other ones from the Psalms which seemed appropriate:

Psalm 139:1-3, 8-10 You have searched me, LORD,and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn,if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

Psalm 121:8 The LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

Amen! So there we have it - our family mezuzah. I must say that Dean has been very understanding about all of this. Not every atheist husband would help his non-Jewish wife put up the family mezuzah!

Still feeling too well...

I still feel too well - maybe I won't really believe in this pregnancy until I start to feel sick. The symptoms I do have:

- sore breasts
- feeling thirsty all the time
- having to wee all the time
- lots of strange dreams of no particular theme
- having to sleep about ten hours a night
- having cravings for raw oysters, wine, pate and soft serve ice-cream. Not all at once. I don't usually eat these things, but I think psychological effect of knowing I can't have them makes me want them! Runny eggs are a totally different problem - I usually have them every day and I don't know how I can survive eight months without them!

On the bright side, Mel tells me that women who eat chocolate in pregnancy have more settled babies. I can see that. If I had no chocolate for eight months I wouldn't be very settled, so neither would the baby!

My weight is stable, and my gym instructor says I can continue with my current program as long as I watch my back. When I'm ready he says I'll need to switch to something less intense but for now I'm fine.

I've got a secret...

It is very strange being pregnant and not able to tell anyone. After last time I've learned my lesson, and I'm just telling immediate family and special friends like Mel, Olivia and Barb. And of course all the world who chooses to read my online posts, but that's not the same!

Actually it is nice to be able to go onto CHFWeb and talk about it as much as I like, since I can't talk about it much otherwise. It's weird, I get the urge to go into shops and just tell people at random "Oh, I can't eat that - pregnant you know".

I've also done some rapid calculations and found out that the baby is due on Jan 1st! Happy New Year! But if it comes early, it could still be born on Christmas Day. Special present!

This also means that I would be 36 weeks pregnant for the Great Victorian Bike Ride - probably not the best idea for camping and bike riding.

I will be 12 weeks pregnant and probably vomiting the entire time we are in Germany.

I will never be a bikini model or stick insect and wear fashionable clothes again. I will never fit into the kind of dresses I always told myself that with diet and exercise I might one day wear. It is weird, I never wanted to dress like that when I was young enough to, but now that I know I never will it is still like grieving something I have lost, even though I know intellectually I never would have...

Maybe I'm too selfish to be a parent - all I can think about is how this is going to change my life forever.