It's a girl!

We started off the morning bright and early with an argument about breakfast at 6am. The nurses were telling me that I couldn't have breakfast because I was going for a C-section. I told them that I needed to have breakfast because I was going to be induced and to have a normal labour and delivery and not a C-section. Eventually I got tea and toast - a reasonable compromise, but I hope Dean brings me some snacks for later.

I got my IV and we started the induction about 8am, starting at 15mls/hr. By midday, I was up to 100mls/hr and still not having regular contractions. People started saying that maybe it was too early, that my body wasn't ready for labour and that maybe I should start thinking about a C-section. No way did I want a section! A small baby at normal delivery is easy on the body, but you don't get any discount on the recovery time from a section. I reminded myself to just keep breathing and keep being positive and to take one thing at a time.

I discovered the hard way the need to keep my focus. Dean was great with helping me breathe through each contraction and I thought we were doing well. My mum and Dean's mum were both visiting in the delivery room, mainly talking to each other which was fine with me. (Dean's dad also came into the room - does that seem weird to anyone else?) Then I realized that Marion was telling my mum about the mess she cleaned out of our house while I was in hospital. Complete with commentary about "how could they do this" etc. This was one of the known dangers of letting her unpack for us, but from my hospital bed I didn't see any realistic alternatives. Dean realized at the same time what was going on, and tried to talk her out of her line of conversation, but Marion is nothing if not persistent. I tried not to argue with her, or make any smart comments and Dean was about to leave me and go to tell her more firmly to desist, when a contraction hit us unprepared.

The pain was very intense, and I could feel myself losing control, and Dean was talking to his mother - and then I lost my focus and melted down completely. Instead of being a marathon swimmer pacing myself across the ocean, I became tossed on the waves without bearings, without a destination and without hope. The pain and fear amplified one another and both seemed to go on without hope of escape. Dean was fantastic - he kicked everyone out of the room post-haste and returned to help me regain my focus and control. Once I was back together, the contractions were once again intense, but not unbearable. The fear-tension-pain syndrome is thus totally confirmed!

Dr Regan came back to check my progress at 5pm, and found that I was only 2cm dilated. I was disappointed - all that work for a lousy 2cm, with 8cm still to go? He wondered again about giving up the idea of a normal delivery and going for a C-section, but agreed to let me go a little longer and see what I could do. The IV was by now up to 180mls/hr, which is the theoretical maximum. If I couldn't do it on this dose, then it would have to be a section. I just kept breathing, kept focusing on doing my part - I'm young and healthy and there's no reason why my body shouldn't be able to do this. The baby was doing fine on the monitor, so there's no problem there, and no reason to stop on that account.

I should mention the monitor game: apparently if the baby's heartbeat on the monitor sounds like a horse galloping then the baby will be a girl, but if it sounds like a steam train then it will be a boy. Dean thought it sounded like a horse, as did my mother. Marion and I thought it sounded like a train. Actually, I thought it sounded like whatever you wanted it to sound like, but I had always thought we were having a boy because of my cravings for salty foods and pickles.

Anyway, at 8pm the midwife examined me again - still at 2cm! For the first time I started to worry that maybe we were not going to be able to do this after all. She rang the doctor, and he said he would come back in and see. If I wasn't able to do any better by the time he arrived at 10pm, then it really would be time to go upstairs to theatre.

I realized this was the last chance - now is the time to do it or not at all. The contractions were getting very intense by now, and I had considered asking for some pain relief, but then I realized that any kind of pain relief such as pethidine or an epidural would slow down the labour - something I was not prepared to risk at this point. So we continued with the nitrous gas and the breathing exercises. I reminded myself that this must be one of the most prayed-for babies on the world, what with the whole of CHFWeb and Solace praying for us both. If anything could do it, my world-wide prayer chain would! New Age types talk about "breathing the baby down" but this was very definitely "praying the baby down"!

At 10pm Dr Regan came back for the last examination, one way or another. By then I was at 5cm - success! I had shown sufficient progress that we would be allowed to continue to a normal delivery. Dr Regan also reassured me that the first 5cm is always harder than the second 5cm. This turned out to be true - it felt to me like about ten minutes later that I had the urge to push.

This last part is all a little blurry. There are large sections of time that I just don't remember - probably all for the best really. I don't know if this is a result of my internal focus, or the gas I was breathing. Nitrous is good stuff - I've never been a fan before, but I am now! There was also quite a bit going on around me that I didn't hear or notice. I was completely taken up with the quite indescribable sensation of the baby moving down inside me.

It felt to me like three pushes later Evie was born! I couldn't believe it all happened so quickly! she was lifted up onto my chest, and I saw for myself that she was a gorgeous little girl! Apprently after that there were some inconsequential injections, stitches for me internally, and other things which were not even noticeable beside the wonder of our little daughter. I put her to the breast immediately, and she was alert and awake and bit hard! She hurt more than the stitches! But I loved her immediately, overwhelmingly, and she is everything I had been waiting for and worth all the pain and worry it took for her to get here.

November 30th, 2007, 11:16pm Evie was born and our lives will never be the same.

Last day before becoming a mother...

I have now been sitting in hospital for a week without going into spontaneous labour - looks like I am one of that 20% minority. It has been a difficult time - sitting around worrying mostly. There has been so much that I feel I should have done before the baby comes, yet I am stuck in hospital and can't do any of it. Not to mention the worries about having a prem baby, and worries about the labour.

Still, I am learning once again to count my blessings. There are four of us in this room who have not had our babies yet. Opposite me is a girl who came in with a bleed after a fall. She cried all night with fear for what this might mean for her child. Next to her is another woman with a bleed at 30 weeks. she will be in hospital until she has her baby, which means right through Christmas and New Year, unless of course she has a big bleed and ends up with a C-section. Next to me was a woman with ruptured membranes at 28 weeks who went into labour at 32 weeks and had to be sectioned. Then there's me with ruptured membranes at 34 weeks, now up to 35 weeks with a healthy baby and due for induction tomorrow, with every chance of having a normal delivery - I'm definitely the lucky one!

One of the other benefits of this "spare" time before the baby is born, is that Dean and I have had a chance to work on our birthing techniques. The antenatal class involved lessons on breathing, positive thinking, coping with stress and focusing. There is also a really good sheet of positive affirmations for mother and baby. Like any other skill, NLP takes practice, which this week has given us - some of it has been a really special time with just the two of us concentrating on our soon-to-be-born baby.

With the induction tomorrow, I got day leave today to go and enjoy my last day of freedom before becoming repsonsible for another little person. I indulged in one of my little luxuries - I went for a pedicure. I can do it myself, but with the big tummy, why stress myself out? Then we went to lunch for Elina's birthday at Jaques Raymond, which was very fancy. I guess this might be the last long and leisurely adult lunch with wine and conversation for a while!

It is funny to think about all the things I will be giving up for a while - movies, late nights out, restaurants without kids, etc. Then I think that I've had a long time to enjoy those thngs already. I'm ready to give those up and to enjoy being a mother and having a baby. This baby has been a long time coming, and I can't wait to meet our baby tomorrow!

Nov 23 - waters broke! (Week 34)

Today I had planned to have a lazy afternoon, put my feet up, maybe write my birth plan. Then I decided that it was too hot, that I still have at least four weeks (probably more as first babies are often late) and that the birth plan could wait while I watched TV. I have all those episodes of "House" to get through. Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men, and as it turns out, of pregnant women...

At about 6pm I was sitting on the couch watching "House" when I felt a tiny bit wet. I had heard that pregnant women sometimes suffer from a bit of incontinence, and though I never had, there's a first time for everything. I stood up to go to the bathroom - and what felt like a litre of fluid gushed out of me and all over the floor! For a minute, I didn't know what was happening, and even when I did, I think I was in denial. I'm a paediatrician, so I look after other people's premature babies - I don't have them myself!

When I pulled myself together (and changed my clothes) I rang Dean, who was luckily already on his way home. I realized that this Friday was the first day of the Great Victorian Bike Ride, and if Dean had gone (as I gave him permission to do) he would have been on his bike halfway to Wilson's Prom by this time!

By the time Dean got home I had finished cleaning up the floor and watching my episode of "House". I can only explain this behaviour by saying that I must have been still in shock. I didn't call the doctor, or the hospital. I didn't pack a bag for the hospital - I mopped the floor?!

Anyway, when Dean arrived he took charge. He called the doctor and the hospital and arranged for us to go straight in. He got my bag for labour and a change of clothes for both of us, toiletries and a book. He also put a towel in his car (amniotic fluid rots car upholstery, apparently) and took me in.

Once we got to the hospital, I was put on a monitor which showed that I was in early labour, but the baby was fine. I was given steroids, antibiotics and medicine to stop the labour. The I was told to just sit in hospital and relax! Apparently 80% of women will go into labour on their own after ROM (rupture of membranes) but giving the baby an extra 24 hours for the steroids to mature the lungs will make it better for all of us.

So I guess I'll just sit here then? Yep... Just sitting...

Pregnancy Week 34

Today we had our repeat ultrasound to check the placenta - all is well, it has moved up nicely and I am all set for a normal delivery whenever that should occur. I was a bit worried it might be too low, and I would have to have a C-section, but that is thankfully not a problem now.

Last week we also had our first antenatal class. The woman doing it is a bit more "all natural" than I expected, and I don't think we are going to feel comfortable having her as a doula after all. Still, a lot of useful information and some good ideas there. I was particularly pleased that Dean seems to have changed his mind about the whole giving birth thing, and has stopped saying "why don't you just have a C-section". Now he is on board with the whole idea of "birth as an extreme sport"! He is preparing a bag for me with power drinks, energy intense snacks and some kind of weird gel that you eat - we saw it on the Tour de France.

Actually, I think the idea of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is very valid. This is a modern psychological form of "mind over matter" - how you think and speak affects your experience. So the idea with birth in particular is to think and speak positively about it, to experience "pressure" and "contractions" in a positive and progressive way (as opposed to pain to be obliterated with drugs).

Not that I'm particularly aiming for a "drug-free" birth! I think modern medicine is a wonderful thing, and I'm very glad that if a C-section becomes necessary, that I'm booked into a place with all the bells and whistles! But it is also true that women have been birthing babies for a long time without any of that. I'm (relatively) young and healthy, and as fit as I have ever been, so there's no reason at all for me not to have a normal birth. That's what I'm thinking of and preparing for...

Pregnancy week 33

It is funny being this pregnant - I feel huge and ungainly, but apparently I don't look all that different to other people. I guess all the extra 14 kilos must have gone straight to my ankles! Usually, I can tell how big a space I need to fit through, but now I find myself accidentally brushing against things because the tummy is about 10cm further out than I expect!

Repeat ultrasound next week, so we get to see the baby again! Although I don't really need to - the baby moves around a lot now, so I can feel it as a separate person. The baby has distinct likes and dislikes - it moves a lot when I have a cold drink or there is a lot of noise. Someone was testing the emergency evacuation siren at the hospital the other day, and the poor thing seemed to get quite frightened! I had to get up and walk around to soothe it back to sleep - poor little baby!

Pregnancy Week 32

Antenatal classes started this week - very interesting! It is a totally different emphasis when we are preparing for a normal birth, as compared with studying obstetrics where the emphasis is always on the five or so per cent where things don't go as planned.

Actually, I have a lot more anxiety about the birth than I had previously realized. One of the relaxation exercises is to monitor your breathing, and everytime someone said "birth" I found myself hyperventilating! I have to keep reminding myself that the births I attend professionally are a highly selected group - the normal births don't need a paediatrician in attendance so I don't get to see them!

Positive thinking and preparation I think will be the keys. Fortunately, Dean is now fully behind the idea of acting as a support person for labour, and has stopped saying "Why don't you just have a C-section..." I still haven't decided if we should invite anyone else into the labour room. I would like to have another person but can't think of anyone suitable (ie that I would be prepared to see me pushing out a baby!)

One thing I have observed about the antenatal classes, which I think is potentially a problem, is that everyone takes it for granted that their baby will be normal. Once this is assumed, everyone is free to concentrate on the "experience" of birth and thinking about peripheral concerns such as the (small) risks associated with an epidural or episiotomy. Of course, this is fine as long as everything does go well, but as soon as there are any problems people don't seem to understand that the "birth plan" and the "experience" go out the window in favour of safety for child and mother. I think people sometimes get so fixated on their "experience" and "preferences" that they forget the ultimate aim of labour is to have a healthy baby!