Is Solace a dinner party or a concert?

An interesting post from Ian today about the nature of Solace:

We don’t go to Solace, we are Solace. Our decisions about whether we choose to attend things and how we interact with each other when we do will make Solace what it is, or is not to become. What ever we want Solace to be is what we have to become in order to participate in making it happen.

Very interesting! What do I express each time I go to gather at Solace? What do I bring? What do I expect? Am I what I would like to receive there?

The other aspect Ian discusses very well is what we think Solace is. If Solace is a concert, then we are the audience and not participants or performers. If Solace is a dinner party then we are equal participants. I think of Solace as a book club - a purposeful gathering of individuals to learn and nurture a common interest and a common goal.

Ian is also correct in that how we see Solace will influence how we interact with each other and how we regard our attendance. As a concert, our attendance or not is our own loss or gain with no impact on others. As a dinner party or book club, attendance will influence the experience of others also attending, our contribution (or not) will affect others in very essential ways.

Bible study questions

An interesting method of Bible study which I came across today, is to read a passage with the following questions in mind: Does this passage contain...

1. a sin to confess?
2. a command to obey?
3. an example to follow?
4. an error to avoid?
5. a promise to claim?
6. a thought about God that is new to me?

I still am not sure about committing to another serious course of study, so I don't know if I should take up theology studies next semester, or just have a rest from study. Either way, I feel a call to get back to God somehow - not sure what form it should take. Bible reading and a small group would be traditional, but I guess I should just see what comes up.

Starting infertility investigations...

Today I went to the doctor (Vicky) to talk about starting infertility investigations. It was so hard just to name the problem! To sit there and say that I am failing at this most essential function of a woman and wife - to name it and claim it as part of who I am. This also involved going back over my miscarriage of last year, which I thought I was recovered from, but discovered that I am not as over it as I had thought. I nearly started crying again in the office - which is ridiculous!

It was three weeks of being pregnant and then it was over, and yet I still feel such a sense of loss over the whole event. Probably because I am too aware of being 32 and still not a mother, still not a paediatrician, neither a person with a lot of hobbies nor an active social life, not the owner of my own home, not a philosophy or theology student - not even slim and fit! What have I been doing with all my time??

Anyway, to get a grip - Ann, my cousin, whose blog is now linked here, is adopting a baby girl from Vietnam! Her full story is rather harrowing, and I hope that we don't end up going the same route, but I wouldn't mind adopting a baby from Vietnam. Dean is very against the idea of adopting though, and would rather be childless than adopt, which I most definitely would not!

Ah well, here's hoping it doesn't come to that. Blood tests and ultrasound next week...

God at play

This morning at Solace we talked about rest and play. God made rest and incorporated it into his commands and his plans for us. Jesus took time to rest and even to go to weddings, but we don't hear about him playing. We took some time to wonder what this might be like...

I thought about going dancing, and how much fun that is with the right partner, how you can dance and talk, how moving together in time to good music is both a physical and aesthetic pleasure. I can imagine Jesus doing a fantastic foxtrot! He would of course be perfectly in time with the music, have a great lead with a smooth motion and just right rise and fall. Dancing with him would be both fun and exciting - a challenge to live up to, and he would expect his partner to keep learning and to "listen" to his lead.

He wouldn't be always too serious either, or too critical. He might give tips of things which need to be corrected, but he would be able to chat and laugh - can't dance well without laughing! He would have a sense of floor-craft and be considerate of other dancers, especially beginners. Not having eyes in the back of his head, he still might crash into people sometimes, but he would be the consummate gentleman and apologize even if it wasn't his fault, and check that both ladies were all right.

He could also cut it at latin, and have a dynamic jive action to die for! He would have that sense of fun which makes a jive exciting to watch and exhausting and exhilarating to dance! He would give it his all and not mind the sweat running down his face - he would just flick his head back and laugh. I think he would be good at samba too - smooth with a little bounce in the rhythm to give it that syncopation that good samba needs. He would also be respectful enough to keep his hands to himself, and not ogle the other men on the floor either!

And afterward he would smile and escort me to a chair, get me a glass of water and let me recover and watch him spin another girl around the floor. He would be the kind to share himself around and even do progressive dancing to encourage beginners to take the floor. He would ask a wallflower to dance and give her a chance to show what she can do. He would be kind, considerate, friendly, social, exciting, challenging and I would always look forward to dancing with him again.

Maybe I should aim to be more like Jesus?

New church, time for new growth

I went and tried out the local church (one of three) which is across the road. I feel a bit silly in some ways to be driving over half an hour to get to a church when there is one right across the road! On the other hand, that assumes that all churches are the same, which is definitely not true, and that relationships can just be interchanged, also not true.

This local church is quite small - about twenty people, half teenagers and young adults the rest adults some with babies. It seems a fairly dynamic, contemporary kind of place. The teaching appears to be systematic Bible teaching which is currently working through Romans (my personal favourite) and this seems to bode well for a mid-week Bible study group - something I have really missed since coming back from Ballarat.

Thinking about priorities: thesis and work have consumed me for the last six months. I haven't had the time or energy to grow in any other ways. I think the time has come to make some room to grow in the ways which really count - growing in knowledge and wisdom of God, and in self control! I think I have grown more short-tempered and impatient recently, which is not a good change. I need to take back responsibility for my own spiritual growth and get back to Bible study and prayer as a regular discipline. The fact that I can't even find my Bible says something, I think!

Paediatric Public Policy Committee

We had our first meeting last night since I joined the PPPC, and it was the usual boring committee stuff. I can't believe anything ever gets done by a committee! Twelve people is far too many to decide anything, and much of the discussion was pedantic semantics and nit-picking.

Some interesting topics are coming up though - I am thinking of volunteering to help re-write the circumcision policy, except that I can't find the old one to read! I know, I know, I said I didn't want to become over-committed, but I have to do something or I'm not living!

Dancing again!

Last night I went dancing again! I remembered how much I enjoyed it and want to do it again. The social interaction, the challenge of following the lead, the learning new steps and new variations and even the exercise!

I would really like to get back to dancing regularly, but at the same time I am aware of the need not to become over-committed. I have just arranged my life so that I'm not going out doing things every night or studying every night and I need to remember to keep it that way!

Fear of discipline

I wonder why so many parents don't seem to discipline their children? Is it that they don't know how? Or fear doing it? Or does it just seem like too much effort? I know many parents don't want to smack their children, so it is that they don't know any other ways?

Take one of the girls I am currently seeing; she is six years old and her mother is too frightened to tell her "no" about anything. She gets money from her mother's purse, goes to the shops, sleeps in her mother's bed and has tantrums when she doesn't get her own way. Her mother says she doesn't know what to do or doesn't have the energy to do it. She doesn't seem to realize that it is only going to get worse and harder to correct with time.

Other parents want to be "friends" with their children, and seem to feel it is "mean" to set limits or say no. They don't realize that their children need limits to feel safe (children with too much power in the family become anxious) and that teaching their child self-discipline comes after imposed family rules are learnt. Learning limitations on self and consideration for others is a basic part of life and I pity the children who don't learn that young - they often lack social skills, don't make friends easily and are in for serious disappointments in life.

What is care?

Doing psychiatry has given me a lot of time and opportunity to think about what it really means to "care" for your children. So many parents seem to think that caring means doing everything for your children and letting them have as much and as many opportunities as possible.

Yet I hear a mother saying that when she left home and married, she did not know how to cook and had the worst few months of her life trying to learn to run a house.

I see an eighteen year old boy who still jumps on the couch, has no sense of the value of work or of money and has a sense of entitlement which is going to get him disappointed some day very soon, I suspect.

So I wonder - isn't true care to prepare your children for the world? To teach them about work and limits and manners and skills? To give them a sense of personal discipline and achievement, as well as opportunities? To teach them that they have to commit and see their commitments through?

In short: to care is to discipline.

Thesis is finished!

Finally! The thesis is finished, and I can get back to having a life, hobbies and a blog! And finished getting the house organized after the move, take up dancing again, start that theology course I've always wanted to do, get fit, lose weight, get back to the gym, write a book review, publish an article, organize jobs for next year, see a doctor, get my hair done...

And take some time to relax! Note to self: do NOT get over-committed!