Tonight I went back to Peter to have my stitches out and get the results of the laparoscopy. Dean couldn't come at the last minute, but rang to tell me at 7pm that he wasn't going to make the 7pm appointment. Somehow this annoyed me more than if he never called at all. Still, realistically speaking I was never going to be happy if he couldn't make it. I still think it sucks to be the girl.
Peter pulled the stitches out, which hurt a lot too. I must be a complete softy - all these procedures I do daily and tell people "just a little sting, hold still now", but when they happen to me they really hurt! To add insult to injury - he didn't even sew me up straight! The scar is shelved on one side and not even symmetrical. I could have done a better job myself, let alone if Dean had done it. This had all better be worth it.
The results were three photos taken through the scope. Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder - Peter said they were lovely and normal, but they look like someone's insides to me. I was still too annoyed with Dean to want to show him the pictures, but I did anyway, and he agreed that they looked completely normal.
Three more cycles of Clomid and we'll see. If this doesn't work, then we really are looking at complete IVF, which I always said I didn't want to do. Ah well, we can cross that bridge when we come to it.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Being a patient again...
Yesterday I went for surgery - the surgery I never wanted to have and hoped never to need. I really hate being a patient, and knowing that I am "sick" (or at least not as well as I think I should be) and having to have something done by other people. I just want to be normal and healthy and not to have to deal with all this.
Anyway, I went to work in the morning as usual, and that was fine. I guess it was good for me to have something to do rather than just sit around trying not to think about how much I want a cup of tea and can't have one.
I was admitted at midday, and then spent the next three hours sitting around in a patient gown waiting for my turn. Dean came with me right down to the operating theatre. The anaesthetist put in the IV (I didn't realize it hurt so much!) and then told me to keep my eyes open as long as I could. I remember staring at the overhead lights and then they went wavery around the edges...
I woke up to hear a nurse saying "She's still very groggy" and I thought "Damn straight" and went back to sleep.
I woke up again back on the ward, with my left arm all in pins and needles from having been leaned on while I was asleep. It made me realize how a GA is different from normal sleep. Usually I wake up and change position before my ulnar nerve gets pinched too badly - this happens to me on and off - but this was numbness worse than I have ever had before.
I was nauseated but not in pain, and the nurse gave me a third medication to take the edge off - ondansetron! This is the stuff I used to prescribe for cancer patients having chemotherapy - I guess that's the nice thing about being a private patient! Now I now why they all like it so much!
I finally convinced the nurse I could go home, by eating two triangles of sandwich and gritting my teeth and smiling. On getting home last night, of course I was terribly sick again - I'm just surprised I survived the car trip!
Still, today I feel better, although a little sore still. Now I just have to cross my fingers and hope it all works! I don't get the results until next week.
Anyway, I went to work in the morning as usual, and that was fine. I guess it was good for me to have something to do rather than just sit around trying not to think about how much I want a cup of tea and can't have one.
I was admitted at midday, and then spent the next three hours sitting around in a patient gown waiting for my turn. Dean came with me right down to the operating theatre. The anaesthetist put in the IV (I didn't realize it hurt so much!) and then told me to keep my eyes open as long as I could. I remember staring at the overhead lights and then they went wavery around the edges...
I woke up to hear a nurse saying "She's still very groggy" and I thought "Damn straight" and went back to sleep.
I woke up again back on the ward, with my left arm all in pins and needles from having been leaned on while I was asleep. It made me realize how a GA is different from normal sleep. Usually I wake up and change position before my ulnar nerve gets pinched too badly - this happens to me on and off - but this was numbness worse than I have ever had before.
I was nauseated but not in pain, and the nurse gave me a third medication to take the edge off - ondansetron! This is the stuff I used to prescribe for cancer patients having chemotherapy - I guess that's the nice thing about being a private patient! Now I now why they all like it so much!
I finally convinced the nurse I could go home, by eating two triangles of sandwich and gritting my teeth and smiling. On getting home last night, of course I was terribly sick again - I'm just surprised I survived the car trip!
Still, today I feel better, although a little sore still. Now I just have to cross my fingers and hope it all works! I don't get the results until next week.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Orthodoxy Conclusion...
I had a long chat with Barb today, and talking really does help me to process my thoughts. It was only while talking to her that I realized that I have already decided not to become Orthodox. I don't think I can explain it well here, but here are some of the reasons:
- I can be Anglican, and Emerging Church, and go to Taize services and pray with candles and icons and... But if I became Orthodox I would have to be Orthodox alone, since they won't tolerate eclecticism of this kind.
- Being Orthodox means accepting the whole box and dice, as explained by the Orthodox church. This means accepting that women can't be ministers, not for any theological reasons, but just because there never have been.
- Being Orthodox means accepting traditions as well as Tradition. Most people can't tell the difference, so in practice every church has a whole bunch of rules about "the way we do things here" and it is impossible to tell which of these are "real" from God inspired things, and which are just human and man-made things. If you are truly Orthodox you don't ask.
- Being Orthodox means essentially being "frozen" when Byzantium fell, which in my opinion, means becoming increasingly irrelevant and disconnected to live as people live it now. The discordance between everyday life and church life will be continuously widening. This is in many ways the complete opposite to the Emerging Church, which seeks to meet people where they are. In terms of evangelism, ministry and connecting with people, I know where I can more comfortably and usefully be.
So it is with some sadness that I acknowledge that I cannot be Anglican and Emerging Church and Taize and Orthodox - because the Orthodox won't allow it. So I will take some of the lovely symbols and traditions from orthodoxy and incorporate them into my own faith but I will never actually be Orthodox myself.
Strangely enough, Dean seems somewhat relieved that my little exploration of Orthodoxy is over. He thought it was weird that I was interested, then concerned that I might join it, now relieved that I have decided not to. I don't know why this is the case, but I hope it is because he likes Solace and would rather join there than become Orthodox again!
- I can be Anglican, and Emerging Church, and go to Taize services and pray with candles and icons and... But if I became Orthodox I would have to be Orthodox alone, since they won't tolerate eclecticism of this kind.
- Being Orthodox means accepting the whole box and dice, as explained by the Orthodox church. This means accepting that women can't be ministers, not for any theological reasons, but just because there never have been.
- Being Orthodox means accepting traditions as well as Tradition. Most people can't tell the difference, so in practice every church has a whole bunch of rules about "the way we do things here" and it is impossible to tell which of these are "real" from God inspired things, and which are just human and man-made things. If you are truly Orthodox you don't ask.
- Being Orthodox means essentially being "frozen" when Byzantium fell, which in my opinion, means becoming increasingly irrelevant and disconnected to live as people live it now. The discordance between everyday life and church life will be continuously widening. This is in many ways the complete opposite to the Emerging Church, which seeks to meet people where they are. In terms of evangelism, ministry and connecting with people, I know where I can more comfortably and usefully be.
So it is with some sadness that I acknowledge that I cannot be Anglican and Emerging Church and Taize and Orthodox - because the Orthodox won't allow it. So I will take some of the lovely symbols and traditions from orthodoxy and incorporate them into my own faith but I will never actually be Orthodox myself.
Strangely enough, Dean seems somewhat relieved that my little exploration of Orthodoxy is over. He thought it was weird that I was interested, then concerned that I might join it, now relieved that I have decided not to. I don't know why this is the case, but I hope it is because he likes Solace and would rather join there than become Orthodox again!
Monday, March 05, 2007
What is the Lunette and why do I love it?
It's about time I told you about my menstrual cup. Warning for the squeamish - this gets a bit medical!
The Lunette is one of a variety of menstrual cups which sits inside of you to collect your monthly flow. It looks like an upside-down bell shaped piece of silicone (medical grade, thank you) which sits inside the vagina and "catches" the mentrual flow before it leaves the body. Medical grade silicone is the stuff used in heart valves and joint replacements, so I have no concerns placing it inside my body temporarily. Because it is the contact with air which makes old blood smell, there is no odour. Unlike tampons which absorb all the normal vaginal fluids, there is no dryness or scratchiness which I used to think was a normal part of having a period.
Tampons are also associated with TSS (Toxic Shock Syndrome) which has never been documented in association with menstrual cups. I suspect that this is because menstrual cups don't interfere as much with the normal vaginal immune defences, and keep the normal environment of the vagina as uncompromised as possible.
The cup is also better for the global environment, as well as my internal environment. Tampons and pads are going into landfill at a rate of 7 billion and 12 billion a year (respectively) in the US alone! Finally, cost. One cup costs about AUD $45 and lasts for at least ten years. As opposed to approximately $5 per month for a box on tampons. I figure, even with postage, the cup has already earned its keep at under a year of use!
Cups are not a new invention, and apparently their history goes back as far as 1867! I had never heard of them before, but now that I have, I plan to spread the word! The full history is linked to a research page here: http://www.labyrinth.net.au/~obsidian/clothpads/Cups_history.html
So from a subjective (user's) point of view: Why do I love it?
It's convenient: I only have to empty and wash mine twice a day. I usually do this in the morning and before bed, so I don't have to muck about with it at work. If you have a really really heavy period you might have to empty it more often, but still less than with tampons. A cup holds about 25 mls, and a normal menstrual flow for a whole cycle is about 100mls. The manufacturers say you should empty it at least every 12 hours, but I often go 24 hours, and once I left mine in 48 hours with no harm done.
It's inexpensive for me and for the environment: I bought one Lunette (imported from Finland) for a total of just under $50, and I have bought one single box of tampons since. This saves me money, and saves the environment.
It is comfortable: I never imagine that I could feel happy dancing, camping and cycling during my period. I even forget sometimes that I have my period! The cup is so comfortable to wear, I can't feel it when it is in, and there's no string. Getting it in and out doesn't scrape me dry and there is no irritation from the bleach used on tampons.
Fewer cramps: I don't know how or why this is the case, but I have noticed that I have a lot less abdominal cramping since using the cup. Many other women have noticed this as well. I can't explain it, but I'm not complaining!
The main downside: It did take some getting used to. The insertion and removal can be a bit tricky and does involved some fiddling around. It took me probably three cycles before I felt really 100% confident with getting it in and out and checking for leaks. I found the most useful advice was here, in the menstrual cup community of livejournal: http://community.livejournal.com/menstrual_cups/
Other useful links:
http://www.labyrinth.net.au/~obsidian/clothpads/Cups.html (the journal of an Australian woman who has done a lot of research into this issue!)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menstrual_cup (wikipedia)
divacup.com is the main US company which has a good FAQ page, and some TSS information
Cup companies:
http://www.lunette.fi/english_index.htmlmenstrual_cups (I got a Lunette and love it!)
http://www.mooncup.co.uk/
http://www.divacup.com/ (This company has a one year money back guarantee)
http://www.thekeeper.com/ (makes both silicone cups and rubber (latex) NOT recommended because of potential allergy problems)
with thanks to "Broken Angel" and to "Obsidian" of the menstrual cup community at livejournal
The Lunette is one of a variety of menstrual cups which sits inside of you to collect your monthly flow. It looks like an upside-down bell shaped piece of silicone (medical grade, thank you) which sits inside the vagina and "catches" the mentrual flow before it leaves the body. Medical grade silicone is the stuff used in heart valves and joint replacements, so I have no concerns placing it inside my body temporarily. Because it is the contact with air which makes old blood smell, there is no odour. Unlike tampons which absorb all the normal vaginal fluids, there is no dryness or scratchiness which I used to think was a normal part of having a period.
Tampons are also associated with TSS (Toxic Shock Syndrome) which has never been documented in association with menstrual cups. I suspect that this is because menstrual cups don't interfere as much with the normal vaginal immune defences, and keep the normal environment of the vagina as uncompromised as possible.
The cup is also better for the global environment, as well as my internal environment. Tampons and pads are going into landfill at a rate of 7 billion and 12 billion a year (respectively) in the US alone! Finally, cost. One cup costs about AUD $45 and lasts for at least ten years. As opposed to approximately $5 per month for a box on tampons. I figure, even with postage, the cup has already earned its keep at under a year of use!
Cups are not a new invention, and apparently their history goes back as far as 1867! I had never heard of them before, but now that I have, I plan to spread the word! The full history is linked to a research page here: http://www.labyrinth.net.au/~obsidian/clothpads/Cups_history.html
So from a subjective (user's) point of view: Why do I love it?
It's convenient: I only have to empty and wash mine twice a day. I usually do this in the morning and before bed, so I don't have to muck about with it at work. If you have a really really heavy period you might have to empty it more often, but still less than with tampons. A cup holds about 25 mls, and a normal menstrual flow for a whole cycle is about 100mls. The manufacturers say you should empty it at least every 12 hours, but I often go 24 hours, and once I left mine in 48 hours with no harm done.
It's inexpensive for me and for the environment: I bought one Lunette (imported from Finland) for a total of just under $50, and I have bought one single box of tampons since. This saves me money, and saves the environment.
It is comfortable: I never imagine that I could feel happy dancing, camping and cycling during my period. I even forget sometimes that I have my period! The cup is so comfortable to wear, I can't feel it when it is in, and there's no string. Getting it in and out doesn't scrape me dry and there is no irritation from the bleach used on tampons.
Fewer cramps: I don't know how or why this is the case, but I have noticed that I have a lot less abdominal cramping since using the cup. Many other women have noticed this as well. I can't explain it, but I'm not complaining!
The main downside: It did take some getting used to. The insertion and removal can be a bit tricky and does involved some fiddling around. It took me probably three cycles before I felt really 100% confident with getting it in and out and checking for leaks. I found the most useful advice was here, in the menstrual cup community of livejournal: http://community.livejournal.com/menstrual_cups/
Other useful links:
http://www.labyrinth.net.au/~obsidian/clothpads/Cups.html (the journal of an Australian woman who has done a lot of research into this issue!)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menstrual_cup (wikipedia)
divacup.com is the main US company which has a good FAQ page, and some TSS information
Cup companies:
http://www.lunette.fi/english_index.htmlmenstrual_cups (I got a Lunette and love it!)
http://www.mooncup.co.uk/
http://www.divacup.com/ (This company has a one year money back guarantee)
http://www.thekeeper.com/ (makes both silicone cups and rubber (latex) NOT recommended because of potential allergy problems)
with thanks to "Broken Angel" and to "Obsidian" of the menstrual cup community at livejournal
Sunday, March 04, 2007
How do I decide when to write?
I have realized that I write for several reasons:
- when I have something which I need to think through and process
- when I have something interesting to say or record
- when I am learning a lot or having contact with new ideas
I don't write when:
- I am very busy living out the above
- I am very bored and have nothing to say or talk about
So, in the last month I have moved jobs, finished my fellowship for the RACP, started back to theology studies, taken up running, been on the Great Tasmanian Bike Ride, met with an architect about a house, been on my last cycle of Clomid, arranged a trip to Europe to see Helen and Sam and taken up teaching medical students at the Angliss.
So that's why I haven't written much!
- when I have something which I need to think through and process
- when I have something interesting to say or record
- when I am learning a lot or having contact with new ideas
I don't write when:
- I am very busy living out the above
- I am very bored and have nothing to say or talk about
So, in the last month I have moved jobs, finished my fellowship for the RACP, started back to theology studies, taken up running, been on the Great Tasmanian Bike Ride, met with an architect about a house, been on my last cycle of Clomid, arranged a trip to Europe to see Helen and Sam and taken up teaching medical students at the Angliss.
So that's why I haven't written much!
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