Unequal yokes

Today at lunch I heard part of conversation about marriage, in particular, "mixed" marriages between a Christian and a non-Christian. I thought I was over this issue, that I had dealt with it and moved on, but apparently not.

I just wanted to leap up and grab this girl by the throat and tell her "What are you thinking? Do you want to ruin your life?" And yet I know that this would not be a fair reflection either. I don't know her, I don't know her situation, I don't know the man she is involved with. Besides, she could quite rightly say "Look at your life - it wasn't ruined by your marriage! Far from it!" Which would also be true. As Uncle Bill keeps telling us, we are the "perfect role model couple", which tells me that Uncle Bill doesn't know the half of what is really going on in our lives.

The whole topic still makes me very uncomfortable, and yet I feel a sort of duty to warn her. Since I now have intimate and detailed knowledge of exactly why God forbids Christians to marry non-Christians, surely I have a responsibility to try to open her eyes to the consequences of her decision? And yet, I know that when others tried to tell me, I didn't listen either.

Also, my life is not exactly a testimony to the dreadful things which happen in an unequally yoked marriage. We are happy, there is no abuse and little conflict, we don't fight over tithing to church anymore, Dean even comes along to church sometimes.

But how can I describe to her the deep grief of knowing that my partner in life doesn't share my most precious desires, the goals that motivate my life and give me purpose? How can I tell her that the love of my life, I can only have with me for thirty or forty years, and then may never see again? How can I tell her the despair that comes of writing my deepest spiritual insights and excitement over growing closer to God in a public online diary which others will read and understand, but my own husband won't? That we can't pray together, that I don't feel comfortable praying at home at all? That I sometimes fear my husband thinks I am crazy for "waiting on God"? That our world-views are so different? That when I see the beauty of God's Creation, he sees only nature at work. That where I know God is working miracles, he sees only coincidence and self-delusion.

How can I explain to her that when I think about the conflicts of raising children in our home, I sometimes feel that God is right not to give us children. How can I tell her about the sleepless nights of prayer, and yes, the sleepless nights of hopeless crying? How can I explain that even though I know I am forgiven by God and blessed despite what I have done, that I still must live with the consequences of my actions? That my own choices in life have lead me to a place where I know I can only give God my second-best service?

How can I tell her that this is not God's best for her life, and that if she will only submit herself to Him, that God will give her everything her heart needs. That might be through the gift of marriage or through the gift of singleness, but at least she would know that she had been truly faithful to God's vision for her, and not always wonder what her life might have been...