Oh dear. I think I said in my last post about Orthodoxy that I had practically decided not to become Orthodox, which I had. That was then...
Now I can't stop thinking about Father Geoff's questions: What is it that stops you from becoming Orthodox? Is it that their faith is empty?
As soon as he named it, from my various inarticulate phrases, I realized two things. That yes, he is right and one of my main hesitations comes from my perception that the Orthodox church is full of "nominal" Christians who don't really live their faith. And secondly that this is a terribly judgemental attitude to have, and not a good reason anyway.
I keep coming around and around and back to the same issue. I feel called, fascinated, intrigued and attracted by many features of the Orthodox church and the Orthodox faith. Something calls to my heart and soul, something incredibly attractive and stable about standing on a faith which is unchanged in essentials for thousands of years.
At the same time I am terrified that I will have to give up so much, leave so much behind and learn a whole new way of life. I have so many reasons (not necessarily good reasons, but reasons nonetheless) for why I like my church and I like my life the way it is. I have friends, a chance to do good works, a minister we both respect - I have a life already!
And yet...
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