Orthodoxy - a way of life

Once again I am "realizing" a truth that I thought I already knew, certainly one I would always have said I ascribed to and understood. And yet, now I am coming to make it real in my life in a different way. (Side note: I have not had such an intense time of spiritual growth since I first became a Christian.)

Since starting to explore Orthodoxy I have come to see that the Orthodox faith n particular is a lived experience and a way of life. It is not something to talk about, to read, to study, to think and learn about, though all of those things can help. Primarily it is something to be lived, to be walked, to be acted out and experienced.

I think I have been pandered to by the evangelistic tradition. Reading, writing, thinking and study are my natural ways of engaging with new thoughts. Talking with others is also a natural engagement technique for me. The evangelistic tradition encourages and uses these things - study and talk, read and write, think and talk some more.

Oh yes, and pray about it too.

Which captures the problem. The areas in which I am weak have not been touched or challenged at all. The emotional, symbolic, sacramental, supernatural, ritual, musical, penitential and sacrificial parts of my life have been barely scratched. Since the Western tradition of spirituality does not access these kinds of spirituality nearly as much, I didn't realize how stunted I am in these ways.

Solace has helped me experience new things in some of these areas, particularly that of seeking the spirit which I was very closed to before, and symbolic actions which I had very little experience of before. Funny, to think that the heart of the Christian sacraments and theology is communion, which is both a sacrament and a symbolic action, but that most of the other traditional symbolic actions have been lost to the Western church (or at least the bit of it that I have seen).

But the whole Orthodox Way (as Bishop Kallistos Ware calls it) is about a lived experience. Prayer, fasting, the Divine Liturgy, Confession, Communion are all symbolic actions or experiences to live out. Similarly, the only way to truly experience the full richness of the Orthodox tradition is to do these things. No amount of discussion, theory or talking about it conveys the truth - it is a Way, and unless you are on it, you can't know it fully. (Is this what they mean about having the "mind"?)

I wonder if it is for this reason that all the discussions on the LJ board end up with "ask your priest" because the priest is the Spiritual Father and guide for each member, and it is under his guidance that the topics of discussion will be played out, and it is only when it is done that it can be understood.

It is only in praying the prayers that I can understand what they mean. Only in experiencing the Divine Liturgy that I can see the beauty in it. Simple acts such as kneeling for prayer (I've never really done that) or in having a regular prayer "rule" or lighting a candle, or in confessing before an actual person, these are deeply meaningful actions which can only be emotionally engaging when being carried out. Reading about the spiritual significance of kneeling before God is just not the same, talking to someone about the theory of fasting is nothing like actually doing it.

Of course, the down side is the incense! That's the experience I could live without...