Exploring Orthodoxy, for real.

I woke up this morning and decided to become a catechumen.

Somehow everything seemed to have crystallized while I slept - the things I have been talking about on the LJ boards, my discussions and experiences with Father Geoff, my conversation with Olivia yesterday. Somehow Father Geoff's question is still going around in my head "Why don't you engage fully with Orthodoxy?" The talk with Olivia helped me to realize that the answer is "No good reason".

I guess two of the major worries which have held me back so far have been that I was hesitant to get too involved with Orthodoxy out of a sense of "loyalty" to Solace. Talking with Olivia has made me realize that to think like this is to do a disservice both to Orthodoxy and to Solace. Is Orthodoxy so dreadfully exclusive that they would want me to cut all ties to other communities? Is Solace so closed that they would stop me exploring other faith traditions? Of course, neither is true.

The other hesitation I had was about Orthodoxy being so unapproachable to others and not evangelistic. I am not going to any church where my husband and parents can't feel comfortable. In the Greek Orthodox churches I always felt that it was a terrible shame that they have this great treasure of rich tradition, but hide it inside a Byzantine architecture and behind another language, so that people have to navigate the obstacles to get inside. I realize of course that it is unreasonable to expect Orthodoxy to change - that's the point of being Orthodox, in some ways. The problem remains that for "normal" people to understand Orthodoxy is difficult.

Then I remembered Gordon, from my university days. Wonderful, devoted, selfless Gordon who took literally hundreds of hours away from his Master's thesis to spend them hashing over spiritual issues with me. We met every week and talked for hours about God, the Bible, life and philosophy. I can't remember one tenth of what he said, but I remember being impressed with him and with his faith. He was a thoughtful person who was not afraid to say he didn't understand, if it was true, and not afraid to say what he really thought on any topic, even if he knew I wouldn't like it. I left quite a few of our sessions deeply disturbed, but he never gave up on me and was always willing to come back and talk again.

I don't think he ever expected our conversations to come to anything. I suppose he was content to plant the seed and let God do the rest, but I am glad that about five years later I had the chance to meet him again, and thank him for his investment of time in me. He visited our church on a day when I was singing, so I could see him sneak in the back. He seemed a bit stunned to find out that I had become a Christian - I guess I must have been harder on him in those conversations than I had realized.

Gordon was my bridge person. He met me where I was, and showed me the way into the church. Once in the church, a variety of people have been mentors and guides along the way, but without Gordon I wouldn't have been around to know. God bless him, wherever he is now.

I think Father Geoff is another bridge person. He is able to see the journey I am on now, he has probably walked a similar path himself, and he is able to show me the way. All that rich tradition and deep faith and history - I have great hopes that he will be able to induct me into it all, and I can't wait! Maybe once I understand it better, I can become a bridge for others too.