Monday - a new week

A new week starts today. This week I have to cancel my doctor's appointment to discuss plans for delivery, cancel my OB appointment, cancel the nursery tour we booked (our first appointment as "parents") and make an appointment to have my hair done. No concerns about the effects of hair dye anymore, but it doesn't seem to balance up. All the little things I used to take joy in - pretty nails, sparkly earrings, really hot hot chocolate - these are no compensation. The lifestyle of a carefree professional couple with no children that I worried so much about losing, now seems to stretch out in front of me. How can anyone be a paediatrician and work all day with other women's children (or worse, babies) and not have any herself? Surely, fate would not be so cruel.

Yesterday at church was better than I had feared. Everyone was kind, but not too personal. I checked the rest of my emails, and this seems to be more common than I had realized. Also, many other people have it much worse than I do - losing babies at 20 weeks would be much worse, being on IVF and doing this every month would be much, much worse.

Only the two mothers seem to be saying the kinds of things I had feared everyone would say. My mum called on Saturday (the day after I called her) and asked if I was over it yet? Marion said all the things I had heard from everyone else about how it could be worse and I should count my blessings, and it wasn't really too bad at all and I should just pull myself together and get on with it.

I have realized again the importance of letting people discover for themselves that things could be worse. The gentle tide of reminiscences from other women about their own difficult times lifts me up and makes me realize that I am truly blessed in so many ways, with husband, friends and church. Being told to count your blessings and that worse things happen every day to more deserving people just doesn't have the same effect.

Olivia rose to the occasion once again, and brought some perspective by reminding me that God suffers with us in this broken world with so much illness, death and loss. The whole of Creation groans, and God also longs for the renewing of the New Heavens and the New Earth. I wonder what it would be like to be involved in the joyful creation of life with no fear of loss or death? Another email I received had a quote from the Psalms (ever my favourite!):

Great is the love of the Lord, and His faithfulness endures for ever. (117:2)

Doesn't sound especially comforting on the surface of it, but there is something solid and foundational about a love which can be depended on, rested on, have a life built on it. Even better than a mother's love, is the love of the Lord!