So, after a week of being self-indulgent and not doing anything in particular, life goes on. Work continues, job applications need to be written, essays and journals have been submitted, graduation applied for. (Note for thesis - do not write in passive voice.)
I still feel strange, though. I had three weeks of looking forward to being a mother - three weeks of thinking of us as a "family" - now we are a couple again. There is less pressure, but also less focus. For a while I was highly oriented to the future and the long-term, now it all seems less important.
Interestingly, the process of telling people has raised the name of God on lots of lips where I never expected it. Everyone suddenly seems privy to "God's will" and is telling me all about it. Odd, because I never thought most of them even acknowledged His existance - unless they are just doing lip service to my belief, which is also possible.
God and I are on speaking terms again, though I don't have much to say. I find the prayers of Julian of Norwich comforting again - all shall be well. I don't know how, or when, but I know God is in control. I just have to wait - not that I have much choice anyway! There is something relaxing about the world being in God's hands - ultimately, all will be well and I don't have to struggle, don't have to understand, just leave it in His hands.
Obviously I am in a "simplicity" phase at the moment, or I would be struggling anyway! Funny, I would have thought an event like this would tip me straight into complexity and questioning and speculating about ultimate truth, but right now, against all expectation, I'm content to rest and trust in His plan.
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