Mmm. Don't know if I agree with this one. The reading today talks about "When we are serious about living a spiritual life we are responsible for the milieu where it can grow and mature." I suppose that it true to a degree (and this was the reason I cleaned out my bookshelf) but I don't know that cleaning out all the non-Christian aspects of my life is a good (or possible) idea either.
A while ago I visited a Christian household where they have a whole room set aside as a family chapel and prayer room. I thought "what a great idea!" follwed immediately by "I can never have that." The choices already made in my life preclude it - to my great and ongoing grief and sorrow. And yet... if I lived in a Christian family, had all Christian friends, exposed myself to no other influences, I can't help thinking my life would be the poorer for it.
Um. Can this be right? Is it just my narrow experience that makes me feel that Christian novels are all trite and pointless? That most modern Christian art is insipid? That modern Christian music is all about how I feel, to the exclusion of all other themes?
The Christian life can have great depth and richness, but so does the rest of the world. Still, maybe I should create more time for God? Fasting from music starts now...
Thursday, March 10, 2005
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Do not worry
Good idea! Don't worry about tomorrow, don't worry about money, success, reputation, clothes, food. Great! But how? I'm about to be sued - I won't have to worry about any of that because I won't have any! I suppose that is one way of taking the stress off my mind - if I didn't have a job or any money or assets, I wouldn't have to worry about getting a mortgage!
Still, the point is well taken that the presence of God is greater than anxiety about money or success. Even today, I was able to appreciate the sunrise, enjoy a hot-cross-bun, write to friends. Even today, I know that if I lose it all, I am still God's child and have value for that alone which I didn't earn and which can't be taken away. Despite everything, that is a comfort.
Still, the point is well taken that the presence of God is greater than anxiety about money or success. Even today, I was able to appreciate the sunrise, enjoy a hot-cross-bun, write to friends. Even today, I know that if I lose it all, I am still God's child and have value for that alone which I didn't earn and which can't be taken away. Despite everything, that is a comfort.
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
God, my help in trouble
Oh God. Today I received a letter of complaint from a relative of a patient, which says that they are going to take the whole thing to the media - not to trial, to the media. I think I'd rather be sued. I feel sick. How can I trust my own judgement again? How can I stay at work today? How can I give advice, pass myself off as a person with medical knowledge and authority?
The other event of the day was one of the doctors in the ED had her wallet stolen. This is the second time in the same ED. M. was attacked by a parent of one of her patients (looking for drugs). Nice society we live in. Who would want to be a doctor anyway?
Sigh. Text for today: God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Very apt. True too - when I went into mental shutdown and couldn't face seeing a patient (or more accurately, seeing a parent) I went to the chapel. There, I could sit and think. Look at myself and decide if any of what they are saying is true, and if so, what to do about it. Know that whatever happens, I am still loved by God. There is comfort in that knowledge.
Then, I read a little of Romans (8:26) about how the Spirit prays for us when we don't know what to pray, intercedes for us with deep groans - to which I say Amen!
The other event of the day was one of the doctors in the ED had her wallet stolen. This is the second time in the same ED. M. was attacked by a parent of one of her patients (looking for drugs). Nice society we live in. Who would want to be a doctor anyway?
Sigh. Text for today: God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Very apt. True too - when I went into mental shutdown and couldn't face seeing a patient (or more accurately, seeing a parent) I went to the chapel. There, I could sit and think. Look at myself and decide if any of what they are saying is true, and if so, what to do about it. Know that whatever happens, I am still loved by God. There is comfort in that knowledge.
Then, I read a little of Romans (8:26) about how the Spirit prays for us when we don't know what to pray, intercedes for us with deep groans - to which I say Amen!
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Joy and Sadness
"Even in the most happy moments of our existance there is a tinge of sadness. In all forms of light, there is the knowledge of surrounding darkness."
Our lives here on the unredeemed earth are full of sorrow, trials and frustrated incompleteness. So rarely and briefly do we experience joy. Here communion must end, companionship give way, friends leave, purpose fades, creativity dies. Our leaps into the light of creativity and generosity sink back into the mire of the everyday, and we forget that the hights exist.
How wonderful it will be to live in the New Earth - the redeemed world where we are all in everlasting community, eternal friendship and surrounded by Him who gives all meaning, creativity and purpose! Now we travail, looking forward to His coming and bringing that world. Then, it will all come together and be united in joy - the ultimate wedding of the Lamb! All that we love will be redeemed and transformed and be its best self: wine, chocolate, swimming in the ocean, rolling down grassy hills, long nights talking with friends. Sickness will be banished, all evil, sin and suffering passed away. The Lord will live in our hearts, and we will all be His. Come soon, Lord Jesus!
Our lives here on the unredeemed earth are full of sorrow, trials and frustrated incompleteness. So rarely and briefly do we experience joy. Here communion must end, companionship give way, friends leave, purpose fades, creativity dies. Our leaps into the light of creativity and generosity sink back into the mire of the everyday, and we forget that the hights exist.
How wonderful it will be to live in the New Earth - the redeemed world where we are all in everlasting community, eternal friendship and surrounded by Him who gives all meaning, creativity and purpose! Now we travail, looking forward to His coming and bringing that world. Then, it will all come together and be united in joy - the ultimate wedding of the Lamb! All that we love will be redeemed and transformed and be its best self: wine, chocolate, swimming in the ocean, rolling down grassy hills, long nights talking with friends. Sickness will be banished, all evil, sin and suffering passed away. The Lord will live in our hearts, and we will all be His. Come soon, Lord Jesus!
Friday, March 04, 2005
Prayer Renews
"Prayer creates that openness where God can give himself to man...This openness does not simply come of itself."
This was certainly my experience last night at the Taize service. I planned to go, hoping to have a profound God-experience to revitalize my flagging spirits (which always seems to happen during Lent). I think I planned badly, because I went to a house inspection on the way there - a frame of mind guaranteed to produce critical thinking, and I was in a rush and running late.
In this context, it was hardly surprising that I found it difficult to settle down and listen to God. My head was full of calculations about how much the bank might lend us, whether to build our own place after all, where those last two bank statements went in the first place, what I have to do tomorrow, etc, etc. I tried several times to discipline my mind, but I just had that "hamster wheel" experience of running in place. By the time I settled enough to pray, the service was nearly over.
I wonder if this online Lent journal is really a good idea? Typing out my stream of consciousness is all very well, but I think I meditate and reflect better with an old-fashioned pen in my hand.
This was certainly my experience last night at the Taize service. I planned to go, hoping to have a profound God-experience to revitalize my flagging spirits (which always seems to happen during Lent). I think I planned badly, because I went to a house inspection on the way there - a frame of mind guaranteed to produce critical thinking, and I was in a rush and running late.
In this context, it was hardly surprising that I found it difficult to settle down and listen to God. My head was full of calculations about how much the bank might lend us, whether to build our own place after all, where those last two bank statements went in the first place, what I have to do tomorrow, etc, etc. I tried several times to discipline my mind, but I just had that "hamster wheel" experience of running in place. By the time I settled enough to pray, the service was nearly over.
I wonder if this online Lent journal is really a good idea? Typing out my stream of consciousness is all very well, but I think I meditate and reflect better with an old-fashioned pen in my hand.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
How do I understand God?
Today's Lent meditation asks how we think of God: as a punitive authority? a kindly but powerless grandfather? a judge with a long record of our misdeeds?
I think it is very true that how I think of God influences my relationship with Him. When I think of God the Creator I am in awe and a bit afraid of this powerful God who seems to big. When I think of God the Father, that is better, but then I don't want to disappoint Him, so I try to hide my failings. God the Holy Spirit is both inspiring and scary, God the judge of the Old Testament I try not to think about - how does He fit with the Abba of the New? Jesus I can talk to, and he's the one I come to for comfort and forgiveness, he was human and knows what I am all about.
Perhaps I need to integrate my view of God, and learn to love and trust Him in all His various aspects. I wish there was a "mother" God, or any kind of woman God to talk to - sometimes a girl just wants another woman to talk to.
I think it is very true that how I think of God influences my relationship with Him. When I think of God the Creator I am in awe and a bit afraid of this powerful God who seems to big. When I think of God the Father, that is better, but then I don't want to disappoint Him, so I try to hide my failings. God the Holy Spirit is both inspiring and scary, God the judge of the Old Testament I try not to think about - how does He fit with the Abba of the New? Jesus I can talk to, and he's the one I come to for comfort and forgiveness, he was human and knows what I am all about.
Perhaps I need to integrate my view of God, and learn to love and trust Him in all His various aspects. I wish there was a "mother" God, or any kind of woman God to talk to - sometimes a girl just wants another woman to talk to.
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
Surprised by Joy
I am always surprised that from very inauspcious Christian beginnings, I am a still a Christian today (some twelve years later).
I first prayed to God by asking Him for a bargain, joined a Christian community for the free cordial, textbooks and tutoring, and went to church from a sense of obligation and obedience. From these selfish, legalistic beginnings, God has been able to show me the joy of being a Christian! In addition to the bargain I first made, and the free cordial, textbooks and tutoring (all of which were duly delivered) I also have the freedom and assurance of eternity with God - starting with the Holy Spirit in me now! I have a church community which encourages me to grow, and several online communities also, the Word of God for learning, the Holy Spirit for guidance and comfort, and a life full of purpose and good words prepared in advance for me to do!
There were so many things I worried about before becoming a Christian, but I never anticipated the joy! (There is sorrow too, but that's another post.) God blesses me with His joy and peace, which is not dependent on my circumstances. He gives me His ear, and as His child I can come before His throne. The Holy Spirit convicts, reminds, guides and occasionally speaks in me. I have joy when I least expected it - when forgiving, when exercising self-discipline, when sitting in silence. Truly, if I only stop to see it, Jesus came to give me life and joy in abundance!
I first prayed to God by asking Him for a bargain, joined a Christian community for the free cordial, textbooks and tutoring, and went to church from a sense of obligation and obedience. From these selfish, legalistic beginnings, God has been able to show me the joy of being a Christian! In addition to the bargain I first made, and the free cordial, textbooks and tutoring (all of which were duly delivered) I also have the freedom and assurance of eternity with God - starting with the Holy Spirit in me now! I have a church community which encourages me to grow, and several online communities also, the Word of God for learning, the Holy Spirit for guidance and comfort, and a life full of purpose and good words prepared in advance for me to do!
There were so many things I worried about before becoming a Christian, but I never anticipated the joy! (There is sorrow too, but that's another post.) God blesses me with His joy and peace, which is not dependent on my circumstances. He gives me His ear, and as His child I can come before His throne. The Holy Spirit convicts, reminds, guides and occasionally speaks in me. I have joy when I least expected it - when forgiving, when exercising self-discipline, when sitting in silence. Truly, if I only stop to see it, Jesus came to give me life and joy in abundance!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)