Dean and I ride with him in front (Captain) and me on the back (Stoker) but I realize that others may make different arrangements. This works for us.
1. Only one person can be the Captain at the time. The Stoker is equally important but the roles are not the same. Either person can fill either role by mutual agreement, but if the Stoker thinks the Captain is making a mistake she can't just spontaneously take over!
2. The Captain makes the final decision. The Captain has control of the steering and can see the road and the traffic and is therefore responsible for the direction of the couple. The Stoker can give advice, persuasion and back massages, but the final responsibility rests with the Captain.
3. The Stoker makes no mistakes. The Captain would do well to remember this, since it depends critically on Rule 2. The Stoker can't see the road or the traffic as well as the Captain and takes no responsibility for the final decision.
4. The Stoker has to trust the Captain and do what he says (see rule 2). If he says STOP! then the Stoker should do so. (Explanations may be necessary afterwards.) Trying to peer over his shoulder will only unbalance you both.
5. The Stoker should never say "I told you so". The Captain is doing his best, and if a decision turns out not perhaps as well as it might have done, be assured that he is aware of that without any need for a reminder.
6. The Stoker's contribution is unseen and perhaps seems unappreciated, but if she stops pedalling, both will slow down. You are in this together!
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