Nov 23 - waters broke! (Week 34)

Today I had planned to have a lazy afternoon, put my feet up, maybe write my birth plan. Then I decided that it was too hot, that I still have at least four weeks (probably more as first babies are often late) and that the birth plan could wait while I watched TV. I have all those episodes of "House" to get through. Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men, and as it turns out, of pregnant women...

At about 6pm I was sitting on the couch watching "House" when I felt a tiny bit wet. I had heard that pregnant women sometimes suffer from a bit of incontinence, and though I never had, there's a first time for everything. I stood up to go to the bathroom - and what felt like a litre of fluid gushed out of me and all over the floor! For a minute, I didn't know what was happening, and even when I did, I think I was in denial. I'm a paediatrician, so I look after other people's premature babies - I don't have them myself!

When I pulled myself together (and changed my clothes) I rang Dean, who was luckily already on his way home. I realized that this Friday was the first day of the Great Victorian Bike Ride, and if Dean had gone (as I gave him permission to do) he would have been on his bike halfway to Wilson's Prom by this time!

By the time Dean got home I had finished cleaning up the floor and watching my episode of "House". I can only explain this behaviour by saying that I must have been still in shock. I didn't call the doctor, or the hospital. I didn't pack a bag for the hospital - I mopped the floor?!

Anyway, when Dean arrived he took charge. He called the doctor and the hospital and arranged for us to go straight in. He got my bag for labour and a change of clothes for both of us, toiletries and a book. He also put a towel in his car (amniotic fluid rots car upholstery, apparently) and took me in.

Once we got to the hospital, I was put on a monitor which showed that I was in early labour, but the baby was fine. I was given steroids, antibiotics and medicine to stop the labour. The I was told to just sit in hospital and relax! Apparently 80% of women will go into labour on their own after ROM (rupture of membranes) but giving the baby an extra 24 hours for the steroids to mature the lungs will make it better for all of us.

So I guess I'll just sit here then? Yep... Just sitting...

Pregnancy Week 34

Today we had our repeat ultrasound to check the placenta - all is well, it has moved up nicely and I am all set for a normal delivery whenever that should occur. I was a bit worried it might be too low, and I would have to have a C-section, but that is thankfully not a problem now.

Last week we also had our first antenatal class. The woman doing it is a bit more "all natural" than I expected, and I don't think we are going to feel comfortable having her as a doula after all. Still, a lot of useful information and some good ideas there. I was particularly pleased that Dean seems to have changed his mind about the whole giving birth thing, and has stopped saying "why don't you just have a C-section". Now he is on board with the whole idea of "birth as an extreme sport"! He is preparing a bag for me with power drinks, energy intense snacks and some kind of weird gel that you eat - we saw it on the Tour de France.

Actually, I think the idea of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is very valid. This is a modern psychological form of "mind over matter" - how you think and speak affects your experience. So the idea with birth in particular is to think and speak positively about it, to experience "pressure" and "contractions" in a positive and progressive way (as opposed to pain to be obliterated with drugs).

Not that I'm particularly aiming for a "drug-free" birth! I think modern medicine is a wonderful thing, and I'm very glad that if a C-section becomes necessary, that I'm booked into a place with all the bells and whistles! But it is also true that women have been birthing babies for a long time without any of that. I'm (relatively) young and healthy, and as fit as I have ever been, so there's no reason at all for me not to have a normal birth. That's what I'm thinking of and preparing for...

Pregnancy week 33

It is funny being this pregnant - I feel huge and ungainly, but apparently I don't look all that different to other people. I guess all the extra 14 kilos must have gone straight to my ankles! Usually, I can tell how big a space I need to fit through, but now I find myself accidentally brushing against things because the tummy is about 10cm further out than I expect!

Repeat ultrasound next week, so we get to see the baby again! Although I don't really need to - the baby moves around a lot now, so I can feel it as a separate person. The baby has distinct likes and dislikes - it moves a lot when I have a cold drink or there is a lot of noise. Someone was testing the emergency evacuation siren at the hospital the other day, and the poor thing seemed to get quite frightened! I had to get up and walk around to soothe it back to sleep - poor little baby!

Pregnancy Week 32

Antenatal classes started this week - very interesting! It is a totally different emphasis when we are preparing for a normal birth, as compared with studying obstetrics where the emphasis is always on the five or so per cent where things don't go as planned.

Actually, I have a lot more anxiety about the birth than I had previously realized. One of the relaxation exercises is to monitor your breathing, and everytime someone said "birth" I found myself hyperventilating! I have to keep reminding myself that the births I attend professionally are a highly selected group - the normal births don't need a paediatrician in attendance so I don't get to see them!

Positive thinking and preparation I think will be the keys. Fortunately, Dean is now fully behind the idea of acting as a support person for labour, and has stopped saying "Why don't you just have a C-section..." I still haven't decided if we should invite anyone else into the labour room. I would like to have another person but can't think of anyone suitable (ie that I would be prepared to see me pushing out a baby!)

One thing I have observed about the antenatal classes, which I think is potentially a problem, is that everyone takes it for granted that their baby will be normal. Once this is assumed, everyone is free to concentrate on the "experience" of birth and thinking about peripheral concerns such as the (small) risks associated with an epidural or episiotomy. Of course, this is fine as long as everything does go well, but as soon as there are any problems people don't seem to understand that the "birth plan" and the "experience" go out the window in favour of safety for child and mother. I think people sometimes get so fixated on their "experience" and "preferences" that they forget the ultimate aim of labour is to have a healthy baby!

What is faith like?

Theology classes are continuing, and one of the people in my class the other day was musing that his faith is like a glass house, and studying the Bible and theology was like throwing stones at his faith house, so that now he was losing his certainty and didn't know what to believe anymore.

I must say that I was somewhat taken aback. Certainly Bible college is challenging, much of what we are learning I am finding unexpected, but hardly faith-destroying. I couldn't help thinking that a "glass house" is not how I care to think about my faith. It implies something fragile, brittle, to be protected and not challenged. Something where one crack might cause the whole edifice to come crashing down. Someone else described faith as a house of cards - a similar simile with the same drawbacks.

I prefer to think of faith as a rose bush. It goes through seasons of dryness, seasons of flowering, seasons when pruning is needed to make it more productive. If it ever stops growing, it dies. The longer it lives, the bigger and more productive it becomes. Obviously we are not talking here about a rose bush under my care (which would have a very short life) but a metaphorical rose bush, cared for by God, which is watered, pruned and challenged as needed to make it grow.

I would like to think that my faith is like that.

Pregnancy Week 24

Finally, I am getting to the "happy" part of being pregnant! The sickness is almost gone, I feel more energetic and am only sleeping 9-10 hours a night. Of course, this has all happened just as I cut down my hours at work! I've been suffering through tiredness, nausea and full-time work for months, and now that I finally reduce my hours I could probably cope with more work.

Ah well, I guess this means I get to spend more time on myself and the baby! My doctor has been telling me I need to exercise more, and I haven't yet got a pram, cot, baby seat, high chair or anything.

I still don't feel that I look "properly pregnant". I can feel the baby moving a lot now, though. It seems to like kicking me in the appendix! Last night for the first time the baby's movements were visible as I was sitting on the couch! There really is someone in there! And they seem to like swimming...

Pregnancy Week 22

I feel the baby moving all the time now, and Dean has felt it even through my skin as well! There is definitely someone else in there! I'm getting a proper "baby bump" at last, so people can tell that I am pregnant and not think that I just never had a waist at all...

I've been shopping for maternity clothes, as none of my regular pants fit my non-existant waist any more. I used to think that shopping for bathers was "feeling like a beached whale" time, but this is much worse! Everything makes me look like I'm at least 10 months pregnant, and overweight for that. It's like everything is designed to make you feel as ugly and clumsy and fat as possible.

My other gripe is that nothing is fitted properly. Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean that I have gained an extra 10cm of height. I might need more room in the tummy, but I don't need more length in the legs! I also don't plan to put on weight in my knees, so the pants don't need to be big around there as well!

I think I'm going to be living in stretch clothing for the duration, and avoiding mirrors.