I suppose it is rather redundant to post telling you that I'm not going to write in this blog much, as I haven't posted anything here for years!
However, for those who might be interested, I do just want to let you know that I am starting a new blog called "Honey Sandwiches - my journey in parenting with cancer". It is pretty much what it says on the tin. All will be explained over there.
http://honeysandwichesau.blogspot.com.au
Monday, August 25, 2014
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Slavery and women
I saw the movie "Amazing Grace" about abolitionist William Wilberforce. I admit I saw it mainly because it had Ioan Gruffudd in it. But as well as that it was a fantastic movie! It really made the point that the Abolitionists as a political force were motivated by their Christian ideals. Despite the fact that abolition of slavery isn't actually mentioned in the Bible. At all. In spite of the fact that the Bible speaks quite matter-of-factly about slavery, and lays down circumstances and rules for it, and the Bible has even been used to justify slavery, apparently.
But there is a trajectory of freedom in the Bible, and there is a Christian principle of justice to others. In the early parts of the Hebrew Bible slavery is accepted and there are lots of rules about it. Later in the Hebrew Bible there are tighter rules on slavery which give slaves more rights and restrict the freedom of slave owners. Moving into the New Testament it is clear that within the church slaves are to be regarded as free and equal brothers in Christ (Galatians again). It seems a logical step to say that complete abolition of slavery is a continuation of this trajectory, and the ultimate expression of Christian justice and love.
I think a similar trajectory of freedom and rights for women can be seen in the Bible. In the Early Church there clearly were women leaders and teachers - Lydia, Priscilla, Eunice, Junia and others. There were also women disciples, particularly and especially Mary of Bethany, whose right to sit at the feet of the rabbi and learn was defended by Jesus (as opposed to being banished to the kitchen, which appears to have been the usual social expectation of the time.)
Unfortunately, the full fledged partnership of women and men remains to be realized fully in the church. It is a shame (and I mean that quite literally) that women have more freedom and respect in society at large than in the (institutional) church. The church should be leading the charge for women's full equality and full participation in everything, not just in cleaning up the kitchen and the "choir ministry". I hope to see a time when women will be accepted as ministers and priests, as leaders, as teachers, as pastors and as the spiritual leaders of their households (as they are gifted to be.) I hope to see a time when women and men will work alongside one another, each using their gifts and talents to the utmost in the service of God's work. I'd like to see that.
But there is a trajectory of freedom in the Bible, and there is a Christian principle of justice to others. In the early parts of the Hebrew Bible slavery is accepted and there are lots of rules about it. Later in the Hebrew Bible there are tighter rules on slavery which give slaves more rights and restrict the freedom of slave owners. Moving into the New Testament it is clear that within the church slaves are to be regarded as free and equal brothers in Christ (Galatians again). It seems a logical step to say that complete abolition of slavery is a continuation of this trajectory, and the ultimate expression of Christian justice and love.
I think a similar trajectory of freedom and rights for women can be seen in the Bible. In the Early Church there clearly were women leaders and teachers - Lydia, Priscilla, Eunice, Junia and others. There were also women disciples, particularly and especially Mary of Bethany, whose right to sit at the feet of the rabbi and learn was defended by Jesus (as opposed to being banished to the kitchen, which appears to have been the usual social expectation of the time.)
Unfortunately, the full fledged partnership of women and men remains to be realized fully in the church. It is a shame (and I mean that quite literally) that women have more freedom and respect in society at large than in the (institutional) church. The church should be leading the charge for women's full equality and full participation in everything, not just in cleaning up the kitchen and the "choir ministry". I hope to see a time when women will be accepted as ministers and priests, as leaders, as teachers, as pastors and as the spiritual leaders of their households (as they are gifted to be.) I hope to see a time when women and men will work alongside one another, each using their gifts and talents to the utmost in the service of God's work. I'd like to see that.
Your women shall prophesy - Pentecost 2
Still thinking about Pentecost - I know it is a bit out of season now, but I've never been the fashionable type! Also, I suspect that charismatic groups/denominations will be across this concept already, but it was new to me.
Pentecost is when the Holy Spirit descended on the Church and people began to prophesy (I mean in the "forth telling the will of God" sense, not the "fore-telling" sense.) The Joel verse from the Hebrew Bible is here quoted in Acts 2: "I will pour out my Spirit upon all flesh, and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams. Even upon my slaves, both men and women, in those days I will pour out my Spirit; and they shall prophesy….”
I find this an amazing statement of God's willingness, even desire, to use everyone. This is about as inclusive as the Hebrew Bible can get - specifically mentioning old and young, women and slaves, and even female slaves! Yet all of them are described as being speakers of God's truth, vessels of the Holy Spirit. I find it encouraging that women and slaves are explicitly given this high honour of speaking the words of God, both in the Hebrew Bible and in Acts.
I can't help wondering where the Early Church got off-track, where the Church lost this vision of all being equal in speaking the words of God? When we forgot that women should be equal in Christ? When were women forbidden to minister, to pastor, to lead churches? When was patriarchy and the surrounding culture allowed to override this sublime vision of egalitarian giftedness which the Early Church saw?
Now that we have all been baptized with water and with the Holy Spirit, we enter into a new and equal life together. The old categories are swept away - the old categories of age, of social class, of wealth, of ethnicity and of gender. We should allow God to speak with the gifts of the Holy Spirit through everyone - through women, through men, through Greek, through Jew, through slave and free. For we are all one in Christ Jesus. (Gal 3:28)
It is from this key revelation that the concept of the "priesthood of all believers" comes, which is a foundational concept of Protestantism. I'm not strictly a Protestant, but I think this is something they got right. We have Christ, and no longer need any other mediator between ourselves and God. I don't need a priest to stand between me and God, or a pastor, or a man. I don't need someone appointed to take my confession or give me a penance, or even absolution. I can speak to God directly myself.
How could the church ever lose sight of that?
Pentecost is when the Holy Spirit descended on the Church and people began to prophesy (I mean in the "forth telling the will of God" sense, not the "fore-telling" sense.) The Joel verse from the Hebrew Bible is here quoted in Acts 2: "I will pour out my Spirit upon all flesh, and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams. Even upon my slaves, both men and women, in those days I will pour out my Spirit; and they shall prophesy….”
I find this an amazing statement of God's willingness, even desire, to use everyone. This is about as inclusive as the Hebrew Bible can get - specifically mentioning old and young, women and slaves, and even female slaves! Yet all of them are described as being speakers of God's truth, vessels of the Holy Spirit. I find it encouraging that women and slaves are explicitly given this high honour of speaking the words of God, both in the Hebrew Bible and in Acts.
I can't help wondering where the Early Church got off-track, where the Church lost this vision of all being equal in speaking the words of God? When we forgot that women should be equal in Christ? When were women forbidden to minister, to pastor, to lead churches? When was patriarchy and the surrounding culture allowed to override this sublime vision of egalitarian giftedness which the Early Church saw?
Now that we have all been baptized with water and with the Holy Spirit, we enter into a new and equal life together. The old categories are swept away - the old categories of age, of social class, of wealth, of ethnicity and of gender. We should allow God to speak with the gifts of the Holy Spirit through everyone - through women, through men, through Greek, through Jew, through slave and free. For we are all one in Christ Jesus. (Gal 3:28)
It is from this key revelation that the concept of the "priesthood of all believers" comes, which is a foundational concept of Protestantism. I'm not strictly a Protestant, but I think this is something they got right. We have Christ, and no longer need any other mediator between ourselves and God. I don't need a priest to stand between me and God, or a pastor, or a man. I don't need someone appointed to take my confession or give me a penance, or even absolution. I can speak to God directly myself.
How could the church ever lose sight of that?
Monday, June 11, 2012
Reading, Writing...
As part of reactivating this blog, I've been doing a bit of reading through old posts, especially ones to do with reading and writing. I've decided the aspect to concentrate on is evoking the feelings. I think what has been missing from my medical stories is the ability to make the reader feel the way I felt at the time. I think if I can do that, the stories will work.
Thursday, June 07, 2012
Tell no lies?
It came as a great shock to me last week to realize that the Bible doesn't actually command us never to lie. No really, it doesn't.
The commandment that I thought said it, is actually "do not bear false witness" which isn't quite the same thing. There is also something in Leviticus and Deuteronomy about having honest weights and measures - but again this is about lying for advantage and cheating others. It doesn't seem to apply to giving an honest opinion about a new haircut.
There is of course plenty about the virtue of telling the truth, but that also isn't quite the same as an absolute ban on lying. In particular, in the story of Moses (and in a few other places in the Bible) people are blessed and commended by God for their actions - which include telling lies. The example we studied on Sunday was the midwives to the Hebrews, when Pharaoh commanded them to kill the Hebrew babies and they replied that the Hebrew women give birth too quickly for them to get there in time (Exodus Ch1). The very next verse is that they were blessed by God. They lied - they were blessed by God.
There was a little bit of discussion about whether or not this was actually a lie - maybe it was true that they were not attending the births in time in order to avoid carrying out Pharaoh's orders? I do not think this can be true. As someone who attends births myself, I would never consider not attending or "running slowly" when called to a delivery - two lives are potentially on the line. Professional neglect which almost certainly would involve loss of life at some point? I find it harder to believe that God would bless that action, than that God would bless women who lied to protect Hebrew babies and took their own lives into their hands in doing so.
I also think their reply to Pharaoh when asked to "please explain" was brilliant - effectively it was to tell him: that's secret women's business, don't mess with the experts in this area. He could not possibly catch them out lying about how women birth!
I also note that there are other instances in the Bible of people lying for higher purposes and apparently being blessed by it - Rahab springs to mind. In real life there is Corrie ten Boom who lied many times to Nazi enforcers in order to protect Jews. I am sure Bonhoeffer would not have let a few lies stand in his way either.
Interesting. I had always assumed that God was a Kantian "absolute principles" ethicist, but perhaps it isn't as black and white as that...
The commandment that I thought said it, is actually "do not bear false witness" which isn't quite the same thing. There is also something in Leviticus and Deuteronomy about having honest weights and measures - but again this is about lying for advantage and cheating others. It doesn't seem to apply to giving an honest opinion about a new haircut.
There is of course plenty about the virtue of telling the truth, but that also isn't quite the same as an absolute ban on lying. In particular, in the story of Moses (and in a few other places in the Bible) people are blessed and commended by God for their actions - which include telling lies. The example we studied on Sunday was the midwives to the Hebrews, when Pharaoh commanded them to kill the Hebrew babies and they replied that the Hebrew women give birth too quickly for them to get there in time (Exodus Ch1). The very next verse is that they were blessed by God. They lied - they were blessed by God.
There was a little bit of discussion about whether or not this was actually a lie - maybe it was true that they were not attending the births in time in order to avoid carrying out Pharaoh's orders? I do not think this can be true. As someone who attends births myself, I would never consider not attending or "running slowly" when called to a delivery - two lives are potentially on the line. Professional neglect which almost certainly would involve loss of life at some point? I find it harder to believe that God would bless that action, than that God would bless women who lied to protect Hebrew babies and took their own lives into their hands in doing so.
I also think their reply to Pharaoh when asked to "please explain" was brilliant - effectively it was to tell him: that's secret women's business, don't mess with the experts in this area. He could not possibly catch them out lying about how women birth!
I also note that there are other instances in the Bible of people lying for higher purposes and apparently being blessed by it - Rahab springs to mind. In real life there is Corrie ten Boom who lied many times to Nazi enforcers in order to protect Jews. I am sure Bonhoeffer would not have let a few lies stand in his way either.
Interesting. I had always assumed that God was a Kantian "absolute principles" ethicist, but perhaps it isn't as black and white as that...
Friday, June 01, 2012
Pentecost
It was Pentecost last Sunday, and I learned something new to add to what I already know about Pentecost. Of course I was already aware that Pentecost (the 50th day) took place 50 days after Easter Sunday. Also called Whit Sunday it was when the Holy Spirit descended on the apostles as tongues of flame and enabled them to speak in other languages to all the people gathered there. It is also sometimes called "The Birthday of the Church", apparently.
So that's what I already knew, probably what most people know. I wonder how many people also know that Pentecost falls on the Jewish Festival of Weeks (Shavuot). This is the celebration commemorating the giving of the Torah, God's Law, in the desert at Mount Sinai. The festival takes place seven weeks after Passover.
So I see a certain parallel between the Hebrew Bible events and the New Testament events. At Passover the nation of Israel was liberated from Egypt, and seven weeks later they were given the Torah which is God's plan for a new way of life. At Easter Jesus died to liberate us from sin and death - 50 days later at Pentecost we received the Holy Spirit who is to teach and lead us in God's new way of life. Coincidence? I don't think so...
So that's what I already knew, probably what most people know. I wonder how many people also know that Pentecost falls on the Jewish Festival of Weeks (Shavuot). This is the celebration commemorating the giving of the Torah, God's Law, in the desert at Mount Sinai. The festival takes place seven weeks after Passover.
So I see a certain parallel between the Hebrew Bible events and the New Testament events. At Passover the nation of Israel was liberated from Egypt, and seven weeks later they were given the Torah which is God's plan for a new way of life. At Easter Jesus died to liberate us from sin and death - 50 days later at Pentecost we received the Holy Spirit who is to teach and lead us in God's new way of life. Coincidence? I don't think so...
Resuming after a long break...
I see that my last post was Evie's arrival - which explains in part the long break in blogging. The other explanations are Zoe (born 2009) and Genevieve (born 2012).
However, the time has now come when I feel the need to resume blogging again, so here I am! I will tell the birth stories of the other two girls another time, probably soon, but that's not the reason I'm here today. I have decided to cut down my online social time in favour of trying to do serious writing. By "serious" I mean aimed at getting published. So this will be my little writing practice area, and of course as it has always been, a place to explore my thoughts and what it means to live in the "grey" places of life. I've never been a black and white person...
Friday, November 30, 2007
It's a girl!
We started off the morning bright and early with an argument about breakfast at 6am. The nurses were telling me that I couldn't have breakfast because I was going for a C-section. I told them that I needed to have breakfast because I was going to be induced and to have a normal labour and delivery and not a C-section. Eventually I got tea and toast - a reasonable compromise, but I hope Dean brings me some snacks for later.
I got my IV and we started the induction about 8am, starting at 15mls/hr. By midday, I was up to 100mls/hr and still not having regular contractions. People started saying that maybe it was too early, that my body wasn't ready for labour and that maybe I should start thinking about a C-section. No way did I want a section! A small baby at normal delivery is easy on the body, but you don't get any discount on the recovery time from a section. I reminded myself to just keep breathing and keep being positive and to take one thing at a time.
I discovered the hard way the need to keep my focus. Dean was great with helping me breathe through each contraction and I thought we were doing well. My mum and Dean's mum were both visiting in the delivery room, mainly talking to each other which was fine with me. (Dean's dad also came into the room - does that seem weird to anyone else?) Then I realized that Marion was telling my mum about the mess she cleaned out of our house while I was in hospital. Complete with commentary about "how could they do this" etc. This was one of the known dangers of letting her unpack for us, but from my hospital bed I didn't see any realistic alternatives. Dean realized at the same time what was going on, and tried to talk her out of her line of conversation, but Marion is nothing if not persistent. I tried not to argue with her, or make any smart comments and Dean was about to leave me and go to tell her more firmly to desist, when a contraction hit us unprepared.
The pain was very intense, and I could feel myself losing control, and Dean was talking to his mother - and then I lost my focus and melted down completely. Instead of being a marathon swimmer pacing myself across the ocean, I became tossed on the waves without bearings, without a destination and without hope. The pain and fear amplified one another and both seemed to go on without hope of escape. Dean was fantastic - he kicked everyone out of the room post-haste and returned to help me regain my focus and control. Once I was back together, the contractions were once again intense, but not unbearable. The fear-tension-pain syndrome is thus totally confirmed!
Dr Regan came back to check my progress at 5pm, and found that I was only 2cm dilated. I was disappointed - all that work for a lousy 2cm, with 8cm still to go? He wondered again about giving up the idea of a normal delivery and going for a C-section, but agreed to let me go a little longer and see what I could do. The IV was by now up to 180mls/hr, which is the theoretical maximum. If I couldn't do it on this dose, then it would have to be a section. I just kept breathing, kept focusing on doing my part - I'm young and healthy and there's no reason why my body shouldn't be able to do this. The baby was doing fine on the monitor, so there's no problem there, and no reason to stop on that account.
I should mention the monitor game: apparently if the baby's heartbeat on the monitor sounds like a horse galloping then the baby will be a girl, but if it sounds like a steam train then it will be a boy. Dean thought it sounded like a horse, as did my mother. Marion and I thought it sounded like a train. Actually, I thought it sounded like whatever you wanted it to sound like, but I had always thought we were having a boy because of my cravings for salty foods and pickles.
Anyway, at 8pm the midwife examined me again - still at 2cm! For the first time I started to worry that maybe we were not going to be able to do this after all. She rang the doctor, and he said he would come back in and see. If I wasn't able to do any better by the time he arrived at 10pm, then it really would be time to go upstairs to theatre.
I realized this was the last chance - now is the time to do it or not at all. The contractions were getting very intense by now, and I had considered asking for some pain relief, but then I realized that any kind of pain relief such as pethidine or an epidural would slow down the labour - something I was not prepared to risk at this point. So we continued with the nitrous gas and the breathing exercises. I reminded myself that this must be one of the most prayed-for babies on the world, what with the whole of CHFWeb and Solace praying for us both. If anything could do it, my world-wide prayer chain would! New Age types talk about "breathing the baby down" but this was very definitely "praying the baby down"!
At 10pm Dr Regan came back for the last examination, one way or another. By then I was at 5cm - success! I had shown sufficient progress that we would be allowed to continue to a normal delivery. Dr Regan also reassured me that the first 5cm is always harder than the second 5cm. This turned out to be true - it felt to me like about ten minutes later that I had the urge to push.
This last part is all a little blurry. There are large sections of time that I just don't remember - probably all for the best really. I don't know if this is a result of my internal focus, or the gas I was breathing. Nitrous is good stuff - I've never been a fan before, but I am now! There was also quite a bit going on around me that I didn't hear or notice. I was completely taken up with the quite indescribable sensation of the baby moving down inside me.
It felt to me like three pushes later Evie was born! I couldn't believe it all happened so quickly! she was lifted up onto my chest, and I saw for myself that she was a gorgeous little girl! Apprently after that there were some inconsequential injections, stitches for me internally, and other things which were not even noticeable beside the wonder of our little daughter. I put her to the breast immediately, and she was alert and awake and bit hard! She hurt more than the stitches! But I loved her immediately, overwhelmingly, and she is everything I had been waiting for and worth all the pain and worry it took for her to get here.
November 30th, 2007, 11:16pm Evie was born and our lives will never be the same.
I got my IV and we started the induction about 8am, starting at 15mls/hr. By midday, I was up to 100mls/hr and still not having regular contractions. People started saying that maybe it was too early, that my body wasn't ready for labour and that maybe I should start thinking about a C-section. No way did I want a section! A small baby at normal delivery is easy on the body, but you don't get any discount on the recovery time from a section. I reminded myself to just keep breathing and keep being positive and to take one thing at a time.
I discovered the hard way the need to keep my focus. Dean was great with helping me breathe through each contraction and I thought we were doing well. My mum and Dean's mum were both visiting in the delivery room, mainly talking to each other which was fine with me. (Dean's dad also came into the room - does that seem weird to anyone else?) Then I realized that Marion was telling my mum about the mess she cleaned out of our house while I was in hospital. Complete with commentary about "how could they do this" etc. This was one of the known dangers of letting her unpack for us, but from my hospital bed I didn't see any realistic alternatives. Dean realized at the same time what was going on, and tried to talk her out of her line of conversation, but Marion is nothing if not persistent. I tried not to argue with her, or make any smart comments and Dean was about to leave me and go to tell her more firmly to desist, when a contraction hit us unprepared.
The pain was very intense, and I could feel myself losing control, and Dean was talking to his mother - and then I lost my focus and melted down completely. Instead of being a marathon swimmer pacing myself across the ocean, I became tossed on the waves without bearings, without a destination and without hope. The pain and fear amplified one another and both seemed to go on without hope of escape. Dean was fantastic - he kicked everyone out of the room post-haste and returned to help me regain my focus and control. Once I was back together, the contractions were once again intense, but not unbearable. The fear-tension-pain syndrome is thus totally confirmed!
Dr Regan came back to check my progress at 5pm, and found that I was only 2cm dilated. I was disappointed - all that work for a lousy 2cm, with 8cm still to go? He wondered again about giving up the idea of a normal delivery and going for a C-section, but agreed to let me go a little longer and see what I could do. The IV was by now up to 180mls/hr, which is the theoretical maximum. If I couldn't do it on this dose, then it would have to be a section. I just kept breathing, kept focusing on doing my part - I'm young and healthy and there's no reason why my body shouldn't be able to do this. The baby was doing fine on the monitor, so there's no problem there, and no reason to stop on that account.
I should mention the monitor game: apparently if the baby's heartbeat on the monitor sounds like a horse galloping then the baby will be a girl, but if it sounds like a steam train then it will be a boy. Dean thought it sounded like a horse, as did my mother. Marion and I thought it sounded like a train. Actually, I thought it sounded like whatever you wanted it to sound like, but I had always thought we were having a boy because of my cravings for salty foods and pickles.
Anyway, at 8pm the midwife examined me again - still at 2cm! For the first time I started to worry that maybe we were not going to be able to do this after all. She rang the doctor, and he said he would come back in and see. If I wasn't able to do any better by the time he arrived at 10pm, then it really would be time to go upstairs to theatre.
I realized this was the last chance - now is the time to do it or not at all. The contractions were getting very intense by now, and I had considered asking for some pain relief, but then I realized that any kind of pain relief such as pethidine or an epidural would slow down the labour - something I was not prepared to risk at this point. So we continued with the nitrous gas and the breathing exercises. I reminded myself that this must be one of the most prayed-for babies on the world, what with the whole of CHFWeb and Solace praying for us both. If anything could do it, my world-wide prayer chain would! New Age types talk about "breathing the baby down" but this was very definitely "praying the baby down"!
At 10pm Dr Regan came back for the last examination, one way or another. By then I was at 5cm - success! I had shown sufficient progress that we would be allowed to continue to a normal delivery. Dr Regan also reassured me that the first 5cm is always harder than the second 5cm. This turned out to be true - it felt to me like about ten minutes later that I had the urge to push.
This last part is all a little blurry. There are large sections of time that I just don't remember - probably all for the best really. I don't know if this is a result of my internal focus, or the gas I was breathing. Nitrous is good stuff - I've never been a fan before, but I am now! There was also quite a bit going on around me that I didn't hear or notice. I was completely taken up with the quite indescribable sensation of the baby moving down inside me.
It felt to me like three pushes later Evie was born! I couldn't believe it all happened so quickly! she was lifted up onto my chest, and I saw for myself that she was a gorgeous little girl! Apprently after that there were some inconsequential injections, stitches for me internally, and other things which were not even noticeable beside the wonder of our little daughter. I put her to the breast immediately, and she was alert and awake and bit hard! She hurt more than the stitches! But I loved her immediately, overwhelmingly, and she is everything I had been waiting for and worth all the pain and worry it took for her to get here.
November 30th, 2007, 11:16pm Evie was born and our lives will never be the same.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Last day before becoming a mother...
I have now been sitting in hospital for a week without going into spontaneous labour - looks like I am one of that 20% minority. It has been a difficult time - sitting around worrying mostly. There has been so much that I feel I should have done before the baby comes, yet I am stuck in hospital and can't do any of it. Not to mention the worries about having a prem baby, and worries about the labour.
Still, I am learning once again to count my blessings. There are four of us in this room who have not had our babies yet. Opposite me is a girl who came in with a bleed after a fall. She cried all night with fear for what this might mean for her child. Next to her is another woman with a bleed at 30 weeks. she will be in hospital until she has her baby, which means right through Christmas and New Year, unless of course she has a big bleed and ends up with a C-section. Next to me was a woman with ruptured membranes at 28 weeks who went into labour at 32 weeks and had to be sectioned. Then there's me with ruptured membranes at 34 weeks, now up to 35 weeks with a healthy baby and due for induction tomorrow, with every chance of having a normal delivery - I'm definitely the lucky one!
One of the other benefits of this "spare" time before the baby is born, is that Dean and I have had a chance to work on our birthing techniques. The antenatal class involved lessons on breathing, positive thinking, coping with stress and focusing. There is also a really good sheet of positive affirmations for mother and baby. Like any other skill, NLP takes practice, which this week has given us - some of it has been a really special time with just the two of us concentrating on our soon-to-be-born baby.
With the induction tomorrow, I got day leave today to go and enjoy my last day of freedom before becoming repsonsible for another little person. I indulged in one of my little luxuries - I went for a pedicure. I can do it myself, but with the big tummy, why stress myself out? Then we went to lunch for Elina's birthday at Jaques Raymond, which was very fancy. I guess this might be the last long and leisurely adult lunch with wine and conversation for a while!
It is funny to think about all the things I will be giving up for a while - movies, late nights out, restaurants without kids, etc. Then I think that I've had a long time to enjoy those thngs already. I'm ready to give those up and to enjoy being a mother and having a baby. This baby has been a long time coming, and I can't wait to meet our baby tomorrow!
Still, I am learning once again to count my blessings. There are four of us in this room who have not had our babies yet. Opposite me is a girl who came in with a bleed after a fall. She cried all night with fear for what this might mean for her child. Next to her is another woman with a bleed at 30 weeks. she will be in hospital until she has her baby, which means right through Christmas and New Year, unless of course she has a big bleed and ends up with a C-section. Next to me was a woman with ruptured membranes at 28 weeks who went into labour at 32 weeks and had to be sectioned. Then there's me with ruptured membranes at 34 weeks, now up to 35 weeks with a healthy baby and due for induction tomorrow, with every chance of having a normal delivery - I'm definitely the lucky one!
One of the other benefits of this "spare" time before the baby is born, is that Dean and I have had a chance to work on our birthing techniques. The antenatal class involved lessons on breathing, positive thinking, coping with stress and focusing. There is also a really good sheet of positive affirmations for mother and baby. Like any other skill, NLP takes practice, which this week has given us - some of it has been a really special time with just the two of us concentrating on our soon-to-be-born baby.
With the induction tomorrow, I got day leave today to go and enjoy my last day of freedom before becoming repsonsible for another little person. I indulged in one of my little luxuries - I went for a pedicure. I can do it myself, but with the big tummy, why stress myself out? Then we went to lunch for Elina's birthday at Jaques Raymond, which was very fancy. I guess this might be the last long and leisurely adult lunch with wine and conversation for a while!
It is funny to think about all the things I will be giving up for a while - movies, late nights out, restaurants without kids, etc. Then I think that I've had a long time to enjoy those thngs already. I'm ready to give those up and to enjoy being a mother and having a baby. This baby has been a long time coming, and I can't wait to meet our baby tomorrow!
Friday, November 23, 2007
Nov 23 - waters broke! (Week 34)
Today I had planned to have a lazy afternoon, put my feet up, maybe write my birth plan. Then I decided that it was too hot, that I still have at least four weeks (probably more as first babies are often late) and that the birth plan could wait while I watched TV. I have all those episodes of "House" to get through. Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men, and as it turns out, of pregnant women...
At about 6pm I was sitting on the couch watching "House" when I felt a tiny bit wet. I had heard that pregnant women sometimes suffer from a bit of incontinence, and though I never had, there's a first time for everything. I stood up to go to the bathroom - and what felt like a litre of fluid gushed out of me and all over the floor! For a minute, I didn't know what was happening, and even when I did, I think I was in denial. I'm a paediatrician, so I look after other people's premature babies - I don't have them myself!
When I pulled myself together (and changed my clothes) I rang Dean, who was luckily already on his way home. I realized that this Friday was the first day of the Great Victorian Bike Ride, and if Dean had gone (as I gave him permission to do) he would have been on his bike halfway to Wilson's Prom by this time!
By the time Dean got home I had finished cleaning up the floor and watching my episode of "House". I can only explain this behaviour by saying that I must have been still in shock. I didn't call the doctor, or the hospital. I didn't pack a bag for the hospital - I mopped the floor?!
Anyway, when Dean arrived he took charge. He called the doctor and the hospital and arranged for us to go straight in. He got my bag for labour and a change of clothes for both of us, toiletries and a book. He also put a towel in his car (amniotic fluid rots car upholstery, apparently) and took me in.
Once we got to the hospital, I was put on a monitor which showed that I was in early labour, but the baby was fine. I was given steroids, antibiotics and medicine to stop the labour. The I was told to just sit in hospital and relax! Apparently 80% of women will go into labour on their own after ROM (rupture of membranes) but giving the baby an extra 24 hours for the steroids to mature the lungs will make it better for all of us.
So I guess I'll just sit here then? Yep... Just sitting...
At about 6pm I was sitting on the couch watching "House" when I felt a tiny bit wet. I had heard that pregnant women sometimes suffer from a bit of incontinence, and though I never had, there's a first time for everything. I stood up to go to the bathroom - and what felt like a litre of fluid gushed out of me and all over the floor! For a minute, I didn't know what was happening, and even when I did, I think I was in denial. I'm a paediatrician, so I look after other people's premature babies - I don't have them myself!
When I pulled myself together (and changed my clothes) I rang Dean, who was luckily already on his way home. I realized that this Friday was the first day of the Great Victorian Bike Ride, and if Dean had gone (as I gave him permission to do) he would have been on his bike halfway to Wilson's Prom by this time!
By the time Dean got home I had finished cleaning up the floor and watching my episode of "House". I can only explain this behaviour by saying that I must have been still in shock. I didn't call the doctor, or the hospital. I didn't pack a bag for the hospital - I mopped the floor?!
Anyway, when Dean arrived he took charge. He called the doctor and the hospital and arranged for us to go straight in. He got my bag for labour and a change of clothes for both of us, toiletries and a book. He also put a towel in his car (amniotic fluid rots car upholstery, apparently) and took me in.
Once we got to the hospital, I was put on a monitor which showed that I was in early labour, but the baby was fine. I was given steroids, antibiotics and medicine to stop the labour. The I was told to just sit in hospital and relax! Apparently 80% of women will go into labour on their own after ROM (rupture of membranes) but giving the baby an extra 24 hours for the steroids to mature the lungs will make it better for all of us.
So I guess I'll just sit here then? Yep... Just sitting...
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Pregnancy Week 34
Today we had our repeat ultrasound to check the placenta - all is well, it has moved up nicely and I am all set for a normal delivery whenever that should occur. I was a bit worried it might be too low, and I would have to have a C-section, but that is thankfully not a problem now.
Last week we also had our first antenatal class. The woman doing it is a bit more "all natural" than I expected, and I don't think we are going to feel comfortable having her as a doula after all. Still, a lot of useful information and some good ideas there. I was particularly pleased that Dean seems to have changed his mind about the whole giving birth thing, and has stopped saying "why don't you just have a C-section". Now he is on board with the whole idea of "birth as an extreme sport"! He is preparing a bag for me with power drinks, energy intense snacks and some kind of weird gel that you eat - we saw it on the Tour de France.
Actually, I think the idea of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is very valid. This is a modern psychological form of "mind over matter" - how you think and speak affects your experience. So the idea with birth in particular is to think and speak positively about it, to experience "pressure" and "contractions" in a positive and progressive way (as opposed to pain to be obliterated with drugs).
Not that I'm particularly aiming for a "drug-free" birth! I think modern medicine is a wonderful thing, and I'm very glad that if a C-section becomes necessary, that I'm booked into a place with all the bells and whistles! But it is also true that women have been birthing babies for a long time without any of that. I'm (relatively) young and healthy, and as fit as I have ever been, so there's no reason at all for me not to have a normal birth. That's what I'm thinking of and preparing for...
Last week we also had our first antenatal class. The woman doing it is a bit more "all natural" than I expected, and I don't think we are going to feel comfortable having her as a doula after all. Still, a lot of useful information and some good ideas there. I was particularly pleased that Dean seems to have changed his mind about the whole giving birth thing, and has stopped saying "why don't you just have a C-section". Now he is on board with the whole idea of "birth as an extreme sport"! He is preparing a bag for me with power drinks, energy intense snacks and some kind of weird gel that you eat - we saw it on the Tour de France.
Actually, I think the idea of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is very valid. This is a modern psychological form of "mind over matter" - how you think and speak affects your experience. So the idea with birth in particular is to think and speak positively about it, to experience "pressure" and "contractions" in a positive and progressive way (as opposed to pain to be obliterated with drugs).
Not that I'm particularly aiming for a "drug-free" birth! I think modern medicine is a wonderful thing, and I'm very glad that if a C-section becomes necessary, that I'm booked into a place with all the bells and whistles! But it is also true that women have been birthing babies for a long time without any of that. I'm (relatively) young and healthy, and as fit as I have ever been, so there's no reason at all for me not to have a normal birth. That's what I'm thinking of and preparing for...
Monday, November 12, 2007
Pregnancy week 33
It is funny being this pregnant - I feel huge and ungainly, but apparently I don't look all that different to other people. I guess all the extra 14 kilos must have gone straight to my ankles! Usually, I can tell how big a space I need to fit through, but now I find myself accidentally brushing against things because the tummy is about 10cm further out than I expect!
Repeat ultrasound next week, so we get to see the baby again! Although I don't really need to - the baby moves around a lot now, so I can feel it as a separate person. The baby has distinct likes and dislikes - it moves a lot when I have a cold drink or there is a lot of noise. Someone was testing the emergency evacuation siren at the hospital the other day, and the poor thing seemed to get quite frightened! I had to get up and walk around to soothe it back to sleep - poor little baby!
Repeat ultrasound next week, so we get to see the baby again! Although I don't really need to - the baby moves around a lot now, so I can feel it as a separate person. The baby has distinct likes and dislikes - it moves a lot when I have a cold drink or there is a lot of noise. Someone was testing the emergency evacuation siren at the hospital the other day, and the poor thing seemed to get quite frightened! I had to get up and walk around to soothe it back to sleep - poor little baby!
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Pregnancy Week 32
Antenatal classes started this week - very interesting! It is a totally different emphasis when we are preparing for a normal birth, as compared with studying obstetrics where the emphasis is always on the five or so per cent where things don't go as planned.
Actually, I have a lot more anxiety about the birth than I had previously realized. One of the relaxation exercises is to monitor your breathing, and everytime someone said "birth" I found myself hyperventilating! I have to keep reminding myself that the births I attend professionally are a highly selected group - the normal births don't need a paediatrician in attendance so I don't get to see them!
Positive thinking and preparation I think will be the keys. Fortunately, Dean is now fully behind the idea of acting as a support person for labour, and has stopped saying "Why don't you just have a C-section..." I still haven't decided if we should invite anyone else into the labour room. I would like to have another person but can't think of anyone suitable (ie that I would be prepared to see me pushing out a baby!)
One thing I have observed about the antenatal classes, which I think is potentially a problem, is that everyone takes it for granted that their baby will be normal. Once this is assumed, everyone is free to concentrate on the "experience" of birth and thinking about peripheral concerns such as the (small) risks associated with an epidural or episiotomy. Of course, this is fine as long as everything does go well, but as soon as there are any problems people don't seem to understand that the "birth plan" and the "experience" go out the window in favour of safety for child and mother. I think people sometimes get so fixated on their "experience" and "preferences" that they forget the ultimate aim of labour is to have a healthy baby!
Actually, I have a lot more anxiety about the birth than I had previously realized. One of the relaxation exercises is to monitor your breathing, and everytime someone said "birth" I found myself hyperventilating! I have to keep reminding myself that the births I attend professionally are a highly selected group - the normal births don't need a paediatrician in attendance so I don't get to see them!
Positive thinking and preparation I think will be the keys. Fortunately, Dean is now fully behind the idea of acting as a support person for labour, and has stopped saying "Why don't you just have a C-section..." I still haven't decided if we should invite anyone else into the labour room. I would like to have another person but can't think of anyone suitable (ie that I would be prepared to see me pushing out a baby!)
One thing I have observed about the antenatal classes, which I think is potentially a problem, is that everyone takes it for granted that their baby will be normal. Once this is assumed, everyone is free to concentrate on the "experience" of birth and thinking about peripheral concerns such as the (small) risks associated with an epidural or episiotomy. Of course, this is fine as long as everything does go well, but as soon as there are any problems people don't seem to understand that the "birth plan" and the "experience" go out the window in favour of safety for child and mother. I think people sometimes get so fixated on their "experience" and "preferences" that they forget the ultimate aim of labour is to have a healthy baby!
Monday, September 17, 2007
What is faith like?
Theology classes are continuing, and one of the people in my class the other day was musing that his faith is like a glass house, and studying the Bible and theology was like throwing stones at his faith house, so that now he was losing his certainty and didn't know what to believe anymore.
I must say that I was somewhat taken aback. Certainly Bible college is challenging, much of what we are learning I am finding unexpected, but hardly faith-destroying. I couldn't help thinking that a "glass house" is not how I care to think about my faith. It implies something fragile, brittle, to be protected and not challenged. Something where one crack might cause the whole edifice to come crashing down. Someone else described faith as a house of cards - a similar simile with the same drawbacks.
I prefer to think of faith as a rose bush. It goes through seasons of dryness, seasons of flowering, seasons when pruning is needed to make it more productive. If it ever stops growing, it dies. The longer it lives, the bigger and more productive it becomes. Obviously we are not talking here about a rose bush under my care (which would have a very short life) but a metaphorical rose bush, cared for by God, which is watered, pruned and challenged as needed to make it grow.
I would like to think that my faith is like that.
I must say that I was somewhat taken aback. Certainly Bible college is challenging, much of what we are learning I am finding unexpected, but hardly faith-destroying. I couldn't help thinking that a "glass house" is not how I care to think about my faith. It implies something fragile, brittle, to be protected and not challenged. Something where one crack might cause the whole edifice to come crashing down. Someone else described faith as a house of cards - a similar simile with the same drawbacks.
I prefer to think of faith as a rose bush. It goes through seasons of dryness, seasons of flowering, seasons when pruning is needed to make it more productive. If it ever stops growing, it dies. The longer it lives, the bigger and more productive it becomes. Obviously we are not talking here about a rose bush under my care (which would have a very short life) but a metaphorical rose bush, cared for by God, which is watered, pruned and challenged as needed to make it grow.
I would like to think that my faith is like that.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Pregnancy Week 24
Finally, I am getting to the "happy" part of being pregnant! The sickness is almost gone, I feel more energetic and am only sleeping 9-10 hours a night. Of course, this has all happened just as I cut down my hours at work! I've been suffering through tiredness, nausea and full-time work for months, and now that I finally reduce my hours I could probably cope with more work.
Ah well, I guess this means I get to spend more time on myself and the baby! My doctor has been telling me I need to exercise more, and I haven't yet got a pram, cot, baby seat, high chair or anything.
I still don't feel that I look "properly pregnant". I can feel the baby moving a lot now, though. It seems to like kicking me in the appendix! Last night for the first time the baby's movements were visible as I was sitting on the couch! There really is someone in there! And they seem to like swimming...
Ah well, I guess this means I get to spend more time on myself and the baby! My doctor has been telling me I need to exercise more, and I haven't yet got a pram, cot, baby seat, high chair or anything.
I still don't feel that I look "properly pregnant". I can feel the baby moving a lot now, though. It seems to like kicking me in the appendix! Last night for the first time the baby's movements were visible as I was sitting on the couch! There really is someone in there! And they seem to like swimming...
Monday, September 03, 2007
Pregnancy Week 22
I feel the baby moving all the time now, and Dean has felt it even through my skin as well! There is definitely someone else in there! I'm getting a proper "baby bump" at last, so people can tell that I am pregnant and not think that I just never had a waist at all...
I've been shopping for maternity clothes, as none of my regular pants fit my non-existant waist any more. I used to think that shopping for bathers was "feeling like a beached whale" time, but this is much worse! Everything makes me look like I'm at least 10 months pregnant, and overweight for that. It's like everything is designed to make you feel as ugly and clumsy and fat as possible.
My other gripe is that nothing is fitted properly. Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean that I have gained an extra 10cm of height. I might need more room in the tummy, but I don't need more length in the legs! I also don't plan to put on weight in my knees, so the pants don't need to be big around there as well!
I think I'm going to be living in stretch clothing for the duration, and avoiding mirrors.
I've been shopping for maternity clothes, as none of my regular pants fit my non-existant waist any more. I used to think that shopping for bathers was "feeling like a beached whale" time, but this is much worse! Everything makes me look like I'm at least 10 months pregnant, and overweight for that. It's like everything is designed to make you feel as ugly and clumsy and fat as possible.
My other gripe is that nothing is fitted properly. Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean that I have gained an extra 10cm of height. I might need more room in the tummy, but I don't need more length in the legs! I also don't plan to put on weight in my knees, so the pants don't need to be big around there as well!
I think I'm going to be living in stretch clothing for the duration, and avoiding mirrors.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Pregnancy Week 20
I'm definitely feeling the baby move around a lot. It seems to move mostly when I sit or lie down, and settle to sleep when I walk around. I guess this is why babies like to be carried around by their parents walking to go to sleep once they are born!
Apparently the baby can hear now, so I should start listening to classical music...
Apparently the baby can hear now, so I should start listening to classical music...
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Pregnancy Week 19
Well, this has been a big week! I thought I felt the first few flutters of the baby moving! It is a bit hard to tell, because I have so many strange pains and stretching feelings down there, but these little hints don't seem to be coming from me.
Also, we had our second ultrasound, and saw the baby again in amazing detail! We could see the baby sucking its thumb, waving its arms around, sleeping, smiling... It actually seems like there is a little person in there - separate from me just "being pregnant" if you know what I mean.
Also, we had our second ultrasound, and saw the baby again in amazing detail! We could see the baby sucking its thumb, waving its arms around, sleeping, smiling... It actually seems like there is a little person in there - separate from me just "being pregnant" if you know what I mean.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Pregnancy weeks 14-17
Everything continues pretty much the same - still sick, still tired. There is one new feature this last week - my gums have started bleeding when I brush my teeth.
It's official: I don't like being pregnant.
I tried to like it, I really did. I wanted to be excited and "glowing" and all the other things expectant mothers are supposed to feel. What I really feel is sick, tired and that despite all the extra effort I am putting in, that I am still functioning at somewhat less that my usual efficacy.
Oh, and my car broke down last week. I'm hoping this is the storm before the calm...
It's official: I don't like being pregnant.
I tried to like it, I really did. I wanted to be excited and "glowing" and all the other things expectant mothers are supposed to feel. What I really feel is sick, tired and that despite all the extra effort I am putting in, that I am still functioning at somewhat less that my usual efficacy.
Oh, and my car broke down last week. I'm hoping this is the storm before the calm...
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Pregnancy week 13
Today I met our obstetrician who is surprisingly short, but is very well spoken and sympathetic, and has very small hands, which I think must be an advantage in his profession. He listened and suggested ideas with exactly the right manner; not too condescendingly simplified, but without assuming too much either.
The other big landmark of the day was that I had breakfast! This is the first breakfast I have been able to "keep" for the last two months! Maybe this is it - the beginning of the end of the nausea! Yay! (And not before time either, since I have to work this weekend.)
The other big landmark of the day was that I had breakfast! This is the first breakfast I have been able to "keep" for the last two months! Maybe this is it - the beginning of the end of the nausea! Yay! (And not before time either, since I have to work this weekend.)
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